I am not a big reality TV person. I don’t enjoy the cruelty that often comes with it. Seeing a bunch of people trying to step all over each other for attention has never been my style. I haven’t ever cared what was or wasn’t real about housewives of any locale, I don’t wonder who the traitor is and I have never kept up with a single Kardashian.
I am hooked on the show Love Is Blind
But a certain show has me hooked and I can’t help it. The new season of Love is Blind came out and I binged that baby on my couch in a single day. As afternoon gave way to night, I remained transfixed by watching strangers talk to each other through a wall.
I could not turn away!
For those who have never seen it, it is a reality dating show where single people talk to each other through a wall until they sometimes fall in love, sometimes get engaged and do or do not decide to marry at the end. If a couple does get engaged, they get to see each other for the first time and eventually move in together before the wedding. So, as you can imagine, it can be dramatic and it can be catty and cruel. I’m not going to claim to be above all of that in this instance.
The show made me appreciate the life I live
But I honestly don’t think that’s what I like about it. I think it has helped me come to appreciate the quiet miracle of a boring, messy middle-aged motherhood. And I am so grateful.
I am 53 years-old as I sit in my kitchen with my gray hair and my pile of jeans that no longer fit getting larger by the day. Nothing about me is shiny anymore. And, can I be real? Raising teenagers into young adults is HARD sometimes. Your life is mostly filled with delivering hard truths, nagging reminders or cautionary tales.
My youngest just started college and our kids love us but they are not really far enough away from our nest to fully appreciate us the way I know they will later. Let’s just say that right now my boys’ love language is terse grunts of affirmation. I’ll take it but life is not exactly a rose garden.
The show reminds me of the amazing beauty that I’d taken for granted in this messy middle stage of life
I’m also over 25 years into a marriage. My husband and I are as solid as I think most people can be and we love each other deeply but we are also way past the butterflies in your stomach phase. We no longer stare deeply into each other’s eyes when we meet up because that’s just not sustainable. Also, if he looks too hard I just wonder if there is something on my face.
But these bright, gorgeous, shiny, accomplished young people are dreaming of exactly what I have come to take for granted! As they “date” each other through the wall, they talk about what sorts of futures they imagine for their lives. They happily dream out loud about what their babies may look like one day.
They imagine cooking together along to their favorite music on a rainy Saturday night. They talk about coaching a little league team or dropping a kiddo off at school with a quiet hopefulness that I forget I used to have. They remind me of the amazing beauty that is easily taken for granted in this messy middle stage.
These young people remind me that a successful family is a quiet miracle
We cannot time travel back to the parts of our lives when we were busy creating our futures. When I look back, I often remember the big moments but I forget the yearning. I forget what that ache of loneliness did to my gut. I remember the crazy whirlwind of early marriage and then baby and toddler years but I forget the long weekends of single life when I was ready to start my future.
These young people remind me that a successful family is a quiet miracle. Finding your person, creating a life, raising children and then having the privilege of watching them grow into adults should not be taken for granted.
It was the result of a million tiny decisions and thousands of days of work and joy and tears and anger and wonder. This show helped me stop and appreciate the fact that my messy middle is the future that many young people dream of. And the fact that I was taking it for granted almost makes me ashamed.
And so, this is a thank you to those bright and shiny young people. I wish you all well and I hope that you have the great good fortune that I have had in this life. Thank you for letting me slip into the beauty of imagined futures.
And I promise to appreciate the everyday wonders that I see you dream about.
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