There I was, sitting on a bench in the fitting room, watching my daughter and her best friend twirl in front of the mirror. They were trying on dresses for homecoming—*HOCO*, as they call it now—and the laughter bouncing off the walls was pure, joyful, and carefree. The dresses were covered in sequins, the hemlines higher than I remembered from my own high school days, but the excitement in the room? That was timeless.
As I watched them, I couldn’t help but drift back to my own teenage years, remembering what it felt like to stand in front of a mirror, wondering if what I saw in my reflection was *enough*. Back then, it wasn’t just about the dress—it was about the girl wearing it.
How did I feel in it? Could I feel confident, beautiful, and yes, seen? So much of that feeling came from the reactions of the people around me, especially the adults whose opinions I valued. What they said (or didn’t say) could either lift me up or weigh me down.
Now, it’s my daughter standing in front of the mirror, searching for that same sense of self-assurance. As her mom, I know that my words—my judgment—carry weight, maybe more than I even realize. In this moment, I have the opportunity to empower her, to give her the confidence she’ll carry, not just for one night, but for years to come.
So, how do we make sure that what we say during these pivotal moments lifts them up instead of holding them back?
1. Look through her eyes
When your daughter stands in front of you in a sparkly dress, she’s not just asking for your opinion on fabric or fit. She’s asking you to see her as she sees herself. The girl in that dress is figuring out how she wants to be in the world, and it’s up to us to see her through her own lens, not ours.
I remember standing in a fitting room as a teen, tugging at the hem of a dress, wondering if it was too much, too little, or just right. What I craved was validation—not just for the dress, but for me. I wanted someone to tell me that I looked beautiful, not because of the dress itself, but because of the way I carried myself in it.
So, when my daughter asks, “What do you think, Mom?” I take a breath and remind myself of that feeling. I look at her not through the lens of my own teenage insecurities but through hers—full of excitement, a little bit of nerves, and a lot of hope that I see her fully and with love.
2. Your words matter more than you know
I can still remember the sting of a careless comment made when I was a teen—a single sentence about how I looked that lingered with me far longer than it should have. Now, as I sit in the dressing room with my daughter, I realize that my words have the power to build her up or tear her down. She might not always show it, but she’s listening. And what I say will echo in her mind long after the dress is worn.
When she’s standing there, asking for my thoughts, I choose my words with care. I focus on how she feels in the dress. “Do you feel like yourself?” I ask. “Does this dress make you feel confident, comfortable, and happy?” Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the dress itself—it’s about how she feels wearing it.
3. Encourage her to trust herself
When I was a teen, I often second-guessed my choices, worried about whether others would approve—whether I looked “right.” What I wish I had known then is that I didn’t need anyone’s approval but my own. And that’s the lesson I want to pass on to my daughter now.
So, I ask her how she feels in each dress, gently encouraging her to tune into her own instincts. Does she feel empowered? Does it make her feel like the best version of herself? This is a chance to teach her that trusting her own judgment is one of the most valuable skills she’ll carry into adulthood.
It’s about more than the dress
As moms, it’s easy to get caught up in the details of the dress—how it looks, how it fits, whether it’s “appropriate.” But when we take a step back, we realize it’s not really about the dress at all. It’s about who our daughters are becoming, how they see themselves, and how we can help them grow into their confidence.
When my daughter looks in the mirror, I want her to see a girl who is proud of who she is, who trusts her own decisions, and who feels beautiful—not just because of what she’s wearing, but because of how she feels inside. And the best way I can help her get there is by being a voice of love, of support, and of encouragement.
Because in the end, what she’ll remember isn’t the dress itself, but how she felt while wearing it—and how her mom made her feel while she was choosing it.
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