Apparently there is a video camera that provides continuous, 24/7, real-time images of the center of my son’s college campus.
I immediately texted my son to inform him of my discovery. He did not seem impressed. His text back to me read,
“Mom don’t you have better things to do with your time?”
I love to watch for my college son on the campus webcam.
Surely I do have many very important things to do with my time. I have deadlines to meet, a home to run, pets that require my care. My son’s younger sister still lives here, so I guess I’m not quite finished with my child-rearing responsibilities.
And yet, I find it hard not to watch that webcam. Its mere existence is a siren call. The possibility that I might catch a glimpse of my son passing by on his way to class, or a meal, or to retrieve his mail, floods my brain with expectation and my heart with hope. Viewing that webcam is an impulse almost as difficult to control as I would imagine placing the next wager is for the gambler at the blackjack table.
I’ll admit I have surveilled my son before. When he started kindergarten I would sometimes drive by his new school during his recess, just to catch a glimpse of him on the playground. I wanted to know if he was wearing his jacket, if he was playing with the other children, if he seemed happy. I needed to see for myself that my son was doing fine without me.
As our children grow older the opportunities to observe them in the places they inhabit when they are not with us, most commonly their schools, become few and far between. While the elementary school welcomes us with offers to shelve dusty books during library time, or to wipe down glue covered desks after leading an “art appreciation” exercise, the high school is more like Fort Knox. I have literally been interrogated and practically patted down just attempting to drop off a forgotten lunch. Now comfortably ensconced in a college hundreds of miles away from home, there is certainly no expectation that I will be involved in my son’s academic or social life.
Also, as our children become young adults there is the nagging suspicion that they are very different people when we parents are not around. Is my daughter this quiet and pensive when she is with her friends? Is my son an easy-going rule follower when left to his own devices? I have wished countless times that I could be a fly on the wall and observe my children when they are not with me.
I think I understand now why, when I was a young girl, I would sometimes catch sight of my mom following a distance behind as I walked to school with my friends. I had always assumed she was concerned for my safety, and surely this was one reason for her vigilance. But I realize she also just wanted to observe a segment of my life she was not inherently a part of.
That is the simple perfection of the campus webcam. And probably accounts for why so many people love watching them. For two months people around the world were spellbound by the webcam live-stream of April the Giraffe as she prepared to give birth to her baby boy. According to Google, April’s stream received over 232 million live views, which added up to 7.6 billion minutes of live watch-time
Webcams offer access, even if that access is limited. We can feel just a little more in touch, slightly more involved despite the miles that separate us. It’s a faux intimacy that is somehow as alluring as it is artificial.
Intuitively I know chances are slim that I will actually catch sight of my son walking past that camera at the exact moment I am viewing its live stream. Yet when I watch the campus webcam I feel closer to him. I feel the pulse of his campus, the ebb and flow of life on those paths and streets I see. Even just knowing the weather where he is makes me feel more a part of his world.
And if by chance I should catch a glimpse of my son, I will of course check to make sure he is wearing his jacket. I’ll pray he’s doing fine without me. And I will send him all my love across the miles and through that video stream.
Cheryl Gottlieb Boxer resides in New Jersey, where she micromanages a husband, her teenage children, and a confounding cockapoo. Her writing has appeared in The Mighty, Grown & Flown, Kveller, Her View From Home, Parent Co. and Sammiches & Psych Meds. You can also find her on Facebook at nosickdaysformom.
I’m talking on the phone with my college sophomore. I savor these phone calls because she really prefers texting to actual voice contact. But today she is in a chatty mood because she just met with the career counselor and she had some interesting advice. Here’s what I miss the most with my daughter in…
When my first kid went away to college, one of the things I looked forward to the most was going to campus to visit him. We frequent the campus anyway because we’re huge fans of their athletic programs, but I thought, “How great is it going to be now because we’re going to be able…
When you send your teen off to college, there’s no denying it’s excruciating to let go. And while it’s true that physically removing yourself from their body when it’s time to say goodbye is literally painful (and something that still causes me stress four years later), that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s the letting…
When my oldest daughter left for college, I was prepared to say goodbye. I had read several pieces of advice from seasoned parents about the significance of the drop-off day, and I had my speech already planned out. Our daughter had yearned to be in college for years, and I felt nothing but happiness for…
We just dropped our oldest off for freshman year of college. A day we have planned and planned for. The move-in could not have gone smoother. He is happy. His roommates are great. He is a student-athlete and his coach could not be nicer. The athletic trainers, his resident advisor, his academic advisor all seem…
We know this day is coming. We hope for it and work hard, yet we can find ourselves wishing it away when it arrives. For 18 years, we prepared to take our teens to college on move-in day. We cultivate their independence, encourage their achievements, and sit alongside them through the roller coaster ride of…
A popular meme gushes that mothers sleep better when all the teens are back home under one roof. I bet that meme was created the day those children arrived, or even days before. Because the reality of having college kids invade the nest for a break, summer, or post-graduation can be rocky. The sappiness wears off…
Grown and Flown was where I first saw the advice about how often to communicate with my college freshman. It was 2018, and we were just about to send the guinea pig off to a university three hours away. Another milestone, for him and us. Another challenge we’d be learning to navigate alongside our test…
Recently, I attended Mom’s Weekend hosted by my son’s fraternity. In case you aren’t familiar with the concept, Mom’s Weekend is when a bunch of boys, ages 18-22, plan(ish) and organize (sort of) a weekend of mother/son events that include eating, drinking, socializing, and (conveniently) even shopping for frat apparel. Some thoughts I had during Mom’s…
I remember the afternoon I taught my daughter to ride her bicycle without training wheels, running alongside her with my fingers curled around the back of the seat to ensure she didn’t fall. I can still see it in my mind’s eye. What I remember most vividly, though — what I can still feel —…
