College Kids Are Home and If You’re Having These 19 Thoughts You’re Not Alone

The college kids are FINALLY on their way home for the holidays!!

You’ve been waiting for this day since you dropped them off in August, ugly crying the entire trip home, and wondering if you’d actually make it until December. You’re ready to make all their favorite foods, to hug and squeeze and smell them again, and to have them sit next to you on the couch and “Netflix and Chill.” (But don’t actually use that exact phrasing because it means something else entirely. More on that later).

Basically, your merriment bucket is sadly empty, and you cannot wait until it’s filled with the joy and love that only having all the kids back under your roof for the holidays can bring.

And then they actually come home, and while there is plenty of joy to be had, there are also plenty of not so joyous thoughts and conversations you may find yourself thinking and having; right about the time you trip and fall over a stack of their wet towels.

And if they’re freshman (and honestly, every new year is gonna bring a new version of them home to you) be ready to embrace and, let’s just say, deal with some new behaviors they may have picked up at college.

I’ve had all of these thoughts and conversations over the last four years of having college kids return for Christmas, and I’m here to reassure you that if you’ve had them, or find yourself having them for the first time, they’re completely normal. And yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and even he would attest that with the nice often comes the naughty-especially with 18-22 year olds.

19 Not-So-Nice Thoughts When Your College Kids Come Home

1. Yes, you still have a curfew. Yes, I understand you don’t have one at college. No, you cannot just come home whenever you want to “like you do at school.” Stop asking. Yes, I know you can’t wait “to go back because I can do what I want.” (Lordy, I thought we had outgrown the eye rolls, guess not).
2. Is anyone capable of returning my car with gas actually IN IT?
3. Wait, is he pouring himself a gin and tonic? In my kitchen? At 11:30 at night?
4. Are there people I don’t know over here between 2-5 a.m. deep frying corn dogs and inhaling entire boxes of Fruity Pebbles? Or have raccoons broken into my home?
5. No, I’m not making you breakfast. Yes, I know you just woke up and it’s 3 in the afternoon, but I’ve been up for 10 hours already. TEN.
6. A hug? For me? You want to hug me? Yes, please!
7. Starbucks isn’t so doable anymore when you’re paying for it yourself now is it? Welcome to the real world, glad to have you!
8. When do you go back again?
9. I’ve never seen half the clothes in this kid’s laundry bag before. Lord, please help me hold my tongue.
10. You only want cash and booze for Christmas? No. No. No. I’m buying you a toy train. Let me.
11. I like your new beard. (HE GREW A FULL MAN BEARD?)
12. He eats salad now? And listens to bluegrass? And just used the iron? Who is this child?
13. How did you lose 12 pairs of underwear in 3 months? Never mind, don’t answer that.
14. Please bake cookies with me and watch Netflix and chill out with me on the couch and then pretend you believe in Santa again for me, just for like five minutes, K? PLEEEEASE?
15. When do you go back again?
16. You can be the designated driver tonight, right? Because your father and I need to get very hammered. Also, take care of your younger siblings. We’re tired.
17. It was all worth it. Those four years of high school nonsense were all worth it, just to see this new adult come home for Christmas
18. I need you to hide the elf for the next 2 weeks. I will pay you BIG BUCKS.
19. Yes, you are going to sit on Santa’s lap (ok, stand next to him) so I can get a picture. I will also pay big bucks for that.

By the way, I love having you home. It’s all I ever want for Christmas from now on.

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