This Mom’s SOS From Christmas Break Is Perfectly Hilarious

Dear Diary,

This may be my last entry. I’m on Day Eleventy-Billion of my captivity, otherwise known as “Christmas Break.”

My DH, who normally travels for work, has been home for 32 consecutive days. He has filled his days with hogging the TV to watch news and sports.

All. Day. Long.

Christmas break overload for mom with family

While watching sports and news, he yells at the TV as if that SEC football ref or newscaster can hear him and desires his counsel. TV time also includes eating PBJ’s or Ham and American Cheese on White. Yuck. By bogarting the TV, he is preventing me from engaging in my top-secret vice of watching Law & Order reruns when no one is around. At dinner, he waits until my backfield is finally not in motion to inquire such things as “Where are the croutons?” and “Do we have more cheese dip?”

“Well, did you check the pantry??” (A few years ago, he was home for an unprecedented nine WEEKS in a row. The day of his scheduled departure, we had sketchy weather and he had to postpone leaving. I cried in the bathroom). Bless his heart.

DD has been home for 24 consecutive days… the longest since JUNE! During her time at home ( aka: Mommy’s House of Rest, Relaxation, Recovery & Refreshment) she has spent her time sucking up bandwidth, or data or whatever it is called when your kid is on Netflix in her room watching all 50 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy. At least she does not have a phobia of the dishwasher or the laundry room like the males that live here do. Bless her heart.

DS, a 16-year-old boy (… need I say more?) has, thankfully, returned to high school after spending 18 days considering which video games he wanted for Xmas, playing video games and watching YouTube videos of other people playing video games. These exhausting activities rendered him unable to engage in basic personal hygiene and his room looks like a frat house after a robbery… littered with soda bottles, half-eaten microwave popcorn bags and ramen noodle cups. #Healthnut

Christmas break overload for mom with family

[More on Clean is Sexy: Advice for Sons, Holiday Edition here.]

During this time, my Weight Watchers obsessed, points-counting mother came for a weeklong visit… but only after emailing me an extensive and explicit grocery list of food items to be purchased. (Hello Stonyfield Organic Plain Greek Yogurt.) Fortunately, she brought her own 6-pack of low-sodium V-8 juice with her. To add to the holiday excitement, my elderly dog developed occasional bowel-incontinence… making my brown hardwood floors and brown throw rugs “difficult to navigate”.
Bless my heart.

Related:

Home Bitter Sweet Home: A College Student’s Perspective

Winter Break: 31 Ways Students Can Make the Most of Time Off 

Photo Credit (featured image): Sheila Sund

About Karmen Thomassy

Mom of 2, married 23 years, late in life animal lover (1 horse, 3 dogs and 1 cat). I have an MSW in child & adolescent behavior... Not that it served me well with Video Game Boy and "Couldn't Wait to Fly The Coop" Girl. To contend with my impending Empty Nest, my BFF & I opened a dog grooming salon. Living The Dream.

Don't miss out!
Want more like this? Get updates straight to your inbox.