Last night was the best night.
Our son, who is away at college, FaceTimed us.
We talked for two hours. For over 120 minutes. Longer than a movie. Two periods of my middle school day that I teach. Half of a road trip’s time that it would take to go visit him at school.
Maybe for some of you out there, this isn’t ground breaking. But let me tell you, for us, it is. As a new to this college life parent, I’m trying to do all the things that I’ve read about. Give space, but be present. Text to say hi, but not too often. Send care packages but don’t go overboard. Let your child call you more than you call them.
Shifting to parenting a college student after living in a home together for 18 years is a rollercoaster
Throw in an extremely independent kid, who commits hard to everything he does, whether it is academics, sports, whatever and that leaves a lot of messages left unread, and a lot of
voicemails probably never listened to.
Shifting to parenting a college kid after living in a home together for 18 years, even when
conversations seem few and far between under the same roof, is a rollercoaster. No longer
getting to see or talk to your kid every day. Constantly living in the space of wondering all of the time if they are happy.
And so, because we talk so rarely, when I get these moments to gauge how college life is really truly feeling for him, I embrace every single second. It’s like a gift that I want to rewrap and open again and again.
We talked about a million little things big things and mundane
We talked about a million little things. We talked about a few big things. We sat in some
moments of silence. In our conversation, I listened for it all, the glimmers of joy, alongside the inevitable challenges that a new stage of life brings.
I soaked up the detailed descriptions of his classes, as he simultaneously looked up ratings of his future professors, and talked about how he did on his latest midterms. I watched his roommate walk in and out of their tiny shoebox of a dorm room, and tried to remember what it was like living with a stranger who either became a friend, or didn’t. Watching for clues of which direction it went for them.
I deleted my workout from my calendar and continued listening
Every little detail a clue to what this new life looks like so far away from home. I deleted my workout from my calendar, and settled deeper into my chair as he continued on to tell us about all the study abroad options that he’s considering over the next few years. I watched the wonder of this prospect light up his eyes. The thought of new adventures spark a
curiosity in him that we always dreamed would become a part of who he grew into.
I excused myself for a minute to throw the dinner that I had been prepping back into the refrigerator, changing our nightly plan to take-out. Because the thing is, nothing to me is more important. I have the perspective now to understand that these conversations are now the pipeline to knowing our grown kid.
These surprise calls giving us the real lens of how things are going for our son
These surprise calls that can once in a blue moon span hours, giving us the real lens of how
things are going for this man child who is actually not a child at all. This person I’ve known for his entire life, but who will, for the next few years, pop in and out of his childhood home for
summers and breaks but is now building and living his future without us shaping it for him.
Leaving us to piece together the details of it on phone calls like this. It’s really something- this passing of time. The way life comes full circle. Being on the receiving end of the call that I never knew was so meaningful to my parents back when I was that age.
And while I know it might be a while until a FaceTime call like that comes again, I will wait patiently, knowing that whenever it does, it will be worth every second of the wait.
More Great Reading:
The College Admissions Secret That Helped Me Listen to My Son
