I’ve officially hit the high school wall, and if are a high school senior mom, I bet you’re right there with me.
As I head into the homestretch of my kid’s childhood education, I find myself more fried than an egg on an Arizona highway in July. Everyday seems to bring with it a new set of school events, monies needed for those events, and ridiculous and petty arguments between my kid and me – as we begin to forge a very new and different type of parent/child dynamic: One that is now becoming more adult/adult than it is mother/son.
It’s making my head spin and my heart gasp for air, and we both crawl over the high school finish line. It’s also making for some pretty epic end of year thoughts swirling around in my head. Thoughts like these…
What Every High School Senior Mom is Thinking
1. Seriously, you’re failing ART?
2. Is it too early to start packing their crap for college?
3. No, I’m not buying you a new backpack right now. Or ever again.
4. Wait, how much are prom tickets?
5. Senior skip day? Ok, but please don’t get arrested.
6. He was just in kindergarten last month.
7. This fall he will be eating breakfast at another table. WAAAAH! *sigh. 🙁
8. This fall he will be eating breakfast at another table!!!! Hallelujah!
9. Wait, how much is your tux, corsage, and dinner gonna be?
10. Oh, you cracked your phone? This time, you replace it. Welcome to adulting, sucka!
11. That’s fine, I don’t want to talk to you either. And also, when you have a major problem at college this fall, I’m gonna remember this moment.
12. Wait, how much is your cap and gown?
13. He was just in the 5th grade last week.
14. No, honey! Of course I’m not gonna turn your room into a she shed! That’s crazy talk! (has already picked out the wallpaper.)
15. With the money I’m gonna save on groceries when you leave, I’m getting Botox. Because of the 500 new wrinkles you have given me this year.
16. Wait, how much is your dorm deposit?
17. I sure am gonna miss these days! NOT.
18. He was just a freshman like yesterday.
19. Lord I hope he knows to wash whites in HOT water.
20. No, I really don’t care anymore about your grades. Really. I don’t.
21. I am so done parenting right now, I can see why mama birds literally push babies OUT with zero hesitation.
22. Wait, how much are your senior pictures?
23. Don’t try to hug him too much over the next few months.
24. You just got a detention? Give. Me. A. Break.
25. I am so damn proud of this kid. And now I get to do it all over again with his younger siblings. Lord help me.
Melissa Fenton is a freelance writer and adjunct librarian at Pasco-Hernando State College. Find her writing all over the internet, but her work mostly on the dinner table. She is on Facebook at 4BoysMother and on twitter at @melissarunsaway.