To The Woman Who Will Keep My Son’s Heart Someday

I may have met you already, perhaps not.

You are the one who will whisk him away, create a life with him, a family, a home. You are the one that will find his lost wallet and hear his frustrations at the end of the day and his excitement in the morning. You will be the keeper of his heart and the love he builds his life around. You are what I want for him…a partner, a best friend, a passion, a co-parent.

Since I found out my son would come to be, I have cringed inwardly and outwardly at the quote, “A daughter is a daughter all her life, but a son is a son ’till he takes a wife.” It hurts, honestly, down to my bones.

But here’s the thing…it’s partly true. Indeed, I won’t be his soft place to fall — at least not all the time — but it’s also true that I want that for him. I want him to create his own life, family, purpose, and why in this world. It’s also true that I want to be a part of it.

To the woman who will keep my son's heart
A letter to my son’s someday wife. (Jannarog/ Shutterstock)

I want my son’s future love to expect this from him

I want you to expect excellence from him in all things. From how he treats the waitress at a restaurant to how he potty trains your puppy to how he asks for forgiveness when he disappoints you. Expect the same from yourself.

I want you to expect him to apologize when he is wrong; I have taught him to say he’s sorry. Take that apology with the gravity it is intended. Expect the same from yourself.

Please take time for your girlfriends, family, career, goals, and dreams. Encourage him to go fishing with his brothers or hunting with his friends, take chances in his career, and bust after his dreams.

I want you to demand respect from him in all things: your body, your mind, your goals, your ideas. Expect the same from yourself.

I want you to expect him to be honest and forthright with his thoughts and actions. Do not accept less. Expect the same from yourself.

Please do not allow him to manipulate you or twist your words. Fight fair because you will fight. Expect the same from yourself.

I want you to love him. Love him with all that you have. I want you to love him despite losing his temper or being frustrated with work or the new dent in the wall. I want you to love him when he’s sick, when he’s tired, when he’s irritable and when he’s less than you deserve. Expect the same from him.

Give him grace when he needs it. Expect that from him.

I want you to call him on his bullshit. There will be plenty. Expect him to do the same for you.

Expect him to tell you when you’ve made him proud. You will do that a lot. When he’s made you proud? Tell him. He will make you proud a lot.

Expect to be his partner, his equal.

Make him laugh. He’s beautiful when he laughs. When he laughs, laugh with him. You are also beautiful when you smile.

Do not allow him to take advantage of you, your love, your kindness, or your generosity of spirit. Expect the same from yourself.

Expect him to be kind. Be kind in return.

Ask for help when you need it. Give help willingly when he requires it. We come into this world utterly dependent on others; it is a fool’s errand to believe we can make it through this life without help.

Forgive him when he asks for it. Expect the same of him

Expect him to lead you when you need it, and expect the same of yourself. David Whyte, one of my favorite authors, penned the quote: “Courage is what love looks like when tested by the simple everyday necessities of being alive.” You will be tested. Rise together.

I want you to walk into my home without knocking, open a bottle of wine, plop yourself down on my couch, and tell me about your day.

I want you to show up on my porch when the baby won’t stop crying, you can’t stop crying, and you need someone to take care of you, too.

Please ask my opinion on getting the grass stains out of their knees and how to make his favorite birthday cake or what books to read when you expect. And I was hoping you could do it all your way, regardless of my advice.

Love him well. And remind him to call his momma.

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To the Man Who Will Someday Love My Daughter 

About Lara Alspaugh

Lara Alspaugh loves to use words to make sense of her boy crazy world on her blog, Confessions of a Daughterless Mother. She’s inspired by nightly walks with her husband and Labrador Lulu, reading, writing, spending time with her boys, going to the beach and dreams of traveling to Italy. Her second novel, “Where the Beauty Is” is available on Amazon, Kindle, iBooks and You can follow her blog and book news on Facebook and Instagram as well as her website

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