What should you do if your student’s first semester did not go as planned?
First, don’t panic. Many students struggle and then use those struggles to flourish.
But it is time to have some serious conversations and develop a better game plan for the second semester. Start by level setting the expectations. When first-year college students struggle, they tend to get into a mindset that everybody is thriving except them. Social media exacerbates this tendency as they watch high school friends at other colleges who appear to be thriving.
Don’t try to convince your student that others are also struggling. Just simply acknowledge that the first semester did not go as planned. Assure them that that is part of the process. Then, shift the conversation to what they need to do differently during the second semester. What they really need to know is that you are in their corner, but the second semester can’t be like the first. Together you need to develop a better plan.
Identify what did not go as planned
First-semester stumbles tend to fall into a few buckets: it was hard to make friends, academics were overwhelming, a co-curricular interest did not work out as planned (e.g., athletics, arts), they faced some health challenges (e.g. mental health), or they were just plain homesick. Identify the source(s) of the problem. Here is another checklist.
Now, help them build a roadmap that focuses on relationships, experiences, academic success, and fun
Once they get the relationships right, other pieces fall into place. Discuss simple ways to build relationships with faculty, student affairs staff, and others on campus who are there to support students. Remind your student that the second semester is a fresh start. All they need to do is reach out and ask for help and then accept it.
If friends are an issue, encourage them to get active on campus. My advice to students is to get involved in something they are already interested in doing while also trying something totally new (maybe even something they would have been too embarrassed to try in high school). College campuses are filled with clubs and activities ranging from community service to student government, arts organizations, and intramural sports. The most important thing is to find organizations or clubs that meet regularly. Here is a great guide that you might find helpful.
A job can also be a great way to meet people and have some fun. If they are in a college town, a job at a local store or coffee shop can be a way to meet people. A campus job can also be a way to meet staff who often become mentors.
Academic support structures probably matter the most
Many of the struggles faced by first-year students manifest themselves as academic stumbles. Even the students doing well socially will spiral if they are struggling academically. Make sure your student is fully engaged in classes.
A lot of things happen simultaneously when students dive into their academics. They build
confidence, get excited by the new things they are learning, and often make friends in their
classes.
Many academic challenges arise from underdeveloped executive functioning skills and habits. Things like poor time management, coping skills, and basic study skills really matter in college. While many students can get by in high school, it is hard to survive, much less thrive, in college without strong executive functioning habits and skills down.
Some students will be attending colleges that offer help. There might be a really good academic resource center or an office that focuses on students who are facing significant challenges. If so, encourage your student to take advantage of it.
But far too many students will be on campuses without sufficient support, especially at larger universities. In this case, you need to build a support structure. You can start by taking advantage of whatever the college has to offer, and then reaching out to individuals and organizations that work in this space. For example, Untapped Learning was started by Brandon Slade and provides mentoring and coaching for college students who are struggling. They also have some excellent resources on their website.
Executive functioning skills and habits matter
If this is an issue for your student, use the first semester stumble as a moment to step back, find support and develop a game-plan for using college to develop these crucial life skills and habits.
Health matters
One of the first things students stop doing when they struggle is caring for themselves — they need to stay healthy to get back on track. Focus on the basics: nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Also, encourage them (if they are open to it) to explore some form of mindfulness. There are a wide range of benefits of mindfulness for college students, and there are many ways to practice mindfulness.
Be honest with yourself and your student about going back
Some students are not ready to be in college. Have open and honest conversations. If they are ready to put in the work and have a plan, then they should return. If they need to take a semester off and regroup, that’s also fine.
The path needs to be one they are ready to own. The goal is to help them flourish and launch into a life! I was moved by this recent piece by a college grad on their gap semester.
And lastly, give yourself a break.
As parents, we want the best for our kids. And we worry when they are struggling. College is a process. A challenging first semester in college can be a positive life-transforming moment.
Take time between semesters to have honest conversations, identify problems, and develop a game plan for the next semester. If it helps, here is some advice I shared with first-year students in August on how to build the roadmap for success.
And if you are like me and reading helps, I recommend a recent book by the longstanding
president of Skidmore College Phil Glotzbach called Embrace Your Freedom: Winning
Strategies to Succeed in College and in Life. And Atomic Habits by James Clear.
More Great Reading:
