Two thousand thirteen was a BIG year for our family of six. Among other life changes, it was the year our youngest child entered kindergarten, and our firstborn left the nest to begin her freshman year on the Forty Acres (University of Texas-Austin). As the Christmas holidays approached, we could hardly wait to have all four kids back in the nest for more than just a weekend.
But after a few blissful days of having our daughter back home, we noticed a shift in her that made us realize that we could benefit from a shift of our own; a necessary shift that would grant our not-so-little girl the space and grace she needed to explore her blossoming adulthood. And wouldn’t you know? The very same thing happened again in 2016 when our middle daughter came home from her first semester at the University of Oklahoma. And yet again in 2020 with our youngest daughter when she returned from UT-Austin.
Sidebar: Now, before anyone says it, we already know. The UT-OU Red River Rivalry is real in our home! But it makes football season so much fun!
Fast forward to now (2026), and guess what? After a six-year hiatus, we’re back at it for the fourth and final time as our youngest begins his freshman year at LSU in the fall. So, after navigating the process we lovingly call “re-entry” with three of our four kids over a span of 13 years, here are some tried-and-true tips we’ve learned along the way that have helped us enjoy college homecomings year after year.
5 tried and true tips to help parents enjoy college homecomings
1. Let Them Sleep (literally)
College life is a busy life, so don’t be surprised when they want to sleep. A lot. Their brains and bodies need recharging and I’m 100% convinced there’s no better place to do that than at home. In their own beds. With you downstairs or down the hall. Whether they sleep in until noon or take multiple naps, try to let them be. And if you’re like us, you just might find yourself peeking in as they slumber.
2. Relax Expectations (initially)
College kids often come home as slightly different humans from the ones we dropped off a few months earlier. It’s an evolution prompted by new experiences, increased autonomy and plain ole “growing up.”
College life is a type of Adulting 101 and offers them countless opportunities to apply many of the values and skills we have instilled along the way. We should be mindful that this is a process, and they’re learning as they go. So, parents, as we used to say to our kids when they were small, please “practice your patience.”
In our home, re-entry starts off pretty lax. They raid the pantry and lounge around while we fight the urge to demand the removal of their stuff from wherever they dropped it when they first got home. Don’t worry, they’ll get to it later. We spoil them, do their laundry and cook all their favorite things while soaking up the sweet shift in the atmosphere because they’re home.
3. (Re) Establish Expectations (collectively)
Discuss expectations for chores, curfews, family time, siblings, friends, etc. Please don’t assume they know or will instantly default to high school guidelines, because they probably won’t. At our house, their dad and I already had a general sense of our own expectations, but readily listened to their perspective and input, seeing it as an opportunity for them to exercise their developing adult reasoning skills.
Our position of authority and influence stayed intact, but we made sure they knew that we saw them as intelligent, thoughtful young adults. Respect is key, even with kids. Expect it but also extend it. Share family plans in advance whenever possible, understanding that they will likely have schedules of their own.
Choose not to be surprised or offended by that. Try not to feel that they’re choosing friends over family. That’s usually not what’s happening. They’re simply learning how to balance all the important people and things in their lives. As conversations continue, know that re-entry can be awkward. Life at home may be unchanged while their lives are in constant flux.
It’s quite a shift to go from the autonomy of college to being back under your parent’s roof. It can take time for everyone to figure things out. Try to be as clear as possible now to avoid misunderstandings later, and be willing to revisit anything that isn’t working.
4. Open Your Doors (widely)
As much as possible, make your home a place for kids to hang out. It doesn’t have to be big nor fancy, just welcoming and warm. Do what you can to be sure their friends sense that there’s always space at your place for them. You likely learned this when they were in high school, but it may become even more of “a thing” now that they are in college. New friends from new places may mean making up couches and guest rooms or laying out air mattresses to accommodate more kids. There will be noise and they will eat your food, but
it’s well worth it!
5. Embrace Random Moments (intentionally)
When they climb into your bed, sit down beside you on the couch or linger anywhere in your presence, shift. Look up, lean in and engage. Whether it’s late or you’re tired or busy, embrace these random, but oh so beautiful moments. It means your big kids want to connect with you. Make sure you hear every word and soak up every second. These moments are magical and sweet.
Lastly, please remember that parenting isn’t an exact science. Contrary to outer appearances, none of us get it right all the time. With your kids and yourself, approach it all with an abundance of patience and a heart full of grace.
More Great Reading:
The Child You Drop Off at College is Not the Person Who Returns Home
