As a college counselor for more than 35 years—and a mom with three kids currently in college (two graduating this month!)—I’ve spent a large part of my life walking alongside teens and young adults as they navigate big transitions. I’ve read countless essays, counseled thousands of families through stressful seasons, and listened to more late-night worries than I can count.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful habits we can model for our children
And in all that time, one truth has become increasingly clear to me:
Gratitude is one of the most powerful habits we can model for our kids—especially when life feels messy, heavy, or uncertain. Thanksgiving offers a natural moment to pause, but gratitude is not seasonal. It’s a daily practice. A muscle. And like any muscle, it grows stronger when we use it—and when our teens see us using it, too.
Here are 5 simple ways we can mirror gratitude for our high schoolers and college students, showing them how to express appreciation not only when things are going well, but also when life is hard.
5 ways we can mirror gratitude for our high school and college students
1. Write a gratitude letter to someone who made a difference
This could be a high school teacher who never gave up on your teen, the school counselor who supported them during a tough year, or a coach who believed in them.
A gratitude note is rarely long or complicated. Often, it’s just: “You saw my child at a time when they really needed it. Thank you.”
Encourage your teens to do the same. It can be transformative for them to recognize the people who helped shape their journey and can offer space for that needed pause we all deserve and rarely take to reflect and share our appreciation.
2. Encourage your student to thank a professor after a course ends
College students are often sprinting from finals to winter break, but taking a moment to thank a professor—especially one who sparked something in them—is meaningful and memorable.
My own kids have done this, and more than once a teacher, advisor or professor has written back with genuine surprise and appreciation. It can literally take three minutes – while the impact can last for years to come.
3. Model gratitude in hard moments, not just happy ones
Our teens watch how we react to stress.
If we can say:
“This is really hard, but I’m grateful for the people helping me through it,” we show them what resilience looks like—gratitude not as denial, but as grounding.
As parents, we don’t need to pretend everything is perfect. We simply need to show that gratitude can coexist with struggle. Both can be true at once—life can feel hard, and life can still hold so much good.
4. Express gratitude up the ladder—even to leadership
This month, I’m writing letters to the president of both of my daughter’s colleges to express my sincere appreciation.
Not to complain. Not to request anything. Just to say thank you.
Because even when my daughter landed in her ninth choice for housing (out of nine), it became an unexpected lesson in resilience and in accepting that life won’t always feel fair. And when she was closed out of the course she wanted, she learned to pivot, adapt, and still find the good. These moments reminded both of us that gratitude isn’t about everything working out perfectly—it’s about recognizing growth, strength, and grace in the midst of the imperfect.
Our culture tends to reserve communication for when something goes wrong—when the financial aid portal glitches, when registration crashes mid–course selection, or when a professor’s grading policy catches a student off guard. But I want my children to understand that it’s just as important to speak up when things are going well, when someone has done their job with care, or when a school community has genuinely supported their growth.
They don’t learn gratitude unless we model it loudly and often.
5. Create a family ritual of appreciation—even a 30-second one
At dinner, on a quick walk, during a car ride, or in a group chat—have each person share one thing they’re grateful for that day.
Not big, polished things.
Real things:
“I’m grateful the dining hall had soup.”
“I’m grateful my professor gave a deadline extension.”
“I’m grateful for my bed and silence after a long day.”
This practice builds self-awareness, empathy, and perspective—all things our teens need in abundance.
One last word of thanks
Our teens and young adults are living in an incredibly complex world. They feel pressures we could not have imagined at their age. Gratitude will not remove those challenges, but it can give them steadiness, compassion, and connection.
When they see us pausing—writing letters, thanking people, acknowledging the helpers, practicing appreciation when life is smooth and when it is heartbreakingly hard—they learn that gratitude is not performative. It’s relational. It’s healing. It’s a way of life.
And it is a gift they will carry much longer than any acceptance letter, course grade, or accolade. As we close out another year, let’s give them that gift by living it ourselves.
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