15 Reasons Why I’m Ready For My College Kids to Return to School

How is it that just three short weeks ago, my heart was aching for my little men to return home for the holidays, but now I am counting down the hours until they pack up their CRAP and get the heck out of my house? I’ll tell you how –  it’s because my house (and my routine, my festive spirit, and especially my bank account) has been turned upside down.  And if I don’t get it right side up soon, this college mama may go full throttle crazy because…

This mom can't wait for her kids to return to school
Mom’s ready for college kids to go back to school (Ollyy/ Shutterstock)

Why I’m Ready for My Kids to Return to School

1. If I have to go to the grocery store AGAIN today, I’m just gonna go ahead and sleep in my car so I’ll be ready for tomorrow’s trip. #foodbroke

2. The washing machine is in a total state of overuse shock, and may never recover.

3. The dishwasher has joined it.

4. I had forgotten about the 40 minute showers that take place three times a day. THREE TIMES A DAY.

5. I just had to use a Christmas cocktail napkin to dry myself off from a 12 second cold water shower, because WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE TOWELS???!!!!

6. Why is everyone suddenly needing a fourth dinner at 1 a.m.? OMG GO TO BED ALREADY! The kitchen closed 6 hours ago! Also, clearly I live with bats now, not actual humans.

7. Having someone ask you, “What’s for breakfast!” after you’ve already been up and awake for 8 hours can really “kill” your spirit after a couple of weeks. And by “kill it” I mean, I kinda want to stab you right now, not make you pancakes.

8. I just want to watch a regular TV show with my college kids, not some random stranger doing random stuff on YouTube. Is that TV now?  And why are my young adults watching it?  Can someone find me General Hospital?

9. Gas money? You seriously need MORE gas money? Go sell your bike for it.

10. There is no way you go through as many red SOLO cups at college as you do glasses here at home. So STOP it already, or go use the yard hose to drink. 

11. Take my phone charger again and I will cut you.

12.  You don’t need to tell me again how you stay out at college until sunrise. I get it. I’ve been there. You still have a curfew here. The end.

13. I just can’t afford you at home anymore. Please go back.

14. Wait, your feet are STILL growing and you need new school shoes? SHUT UP.

15. So I can remember how much I love them, and then starting missing them again.

Related:

Saying Goodbye is Easy. It’s the 24 Hours Afterward that Are Challenging 

About Melissa Fenton

Melissa Fenton is a freelance writer and adjunct librarian at Pasco-Hernando State College. Find her writing all over the internet, but her work mostly on the dinner table. Find her on Facebook 
and on twitter at @melissarunsaway

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