Dear Son’s First (Now Ex) Girlfriend, What I Want to Tell You

First of all, I want to thank you. If I could have handpicked you myself to be my son’s first girlfriend, I would have chosen you in a heartbeat. Thank for you being sweet and caring and polite, always.

Letter to my son's first and now ex-girlfriend

I loved my son’s first girlfriend

Thank you for being a no-drama, low maintenance kind of young lady. I truly realize they are not always easy to find these days.

I know you accepted my son for who he currently was, not what you probably had hoped the “perfect” boyfriend would be. I myself still sometimes struggle with being so Zen about his imperfections.

I know you most likely wished at times he had been more communicative. More emotional. More aware of your moods, likes, and dislikes.
I am pretty sure you never made him feel bad about that.
I am pretty sure you never tried to make him jealous by flirting with his friends.
I am entirely sure you were patient and far more understanding than most 17 and 18-year-old girls.
I am thankful you never tried to undervalue your strengths, to make him feel better about himself.
I am thankful you were comfortable enough in your own skin to hang out with him wearing no make-up and in your comfy sweatpants, while offering up no apologies about how you looked.

You showed him that girls are smart, athletic, and “real,” and don’t need to change who they are, in order to appear perfect on social media, or to attract a boyfriend.

I have come to learn that my son is the one who decided that you should now just be friends. While I understand his reasoning, and agree that it is probably for the best, considering you both are starting college soon, I want you to know that you – at this moment in time – are much too good for my son anyway.

You are more mature.
You are more thoughtful.
And you are much more capable of being a good partner in a young adult relationship.

I hope you find someone who is worthy and deserving of your kindness and attentiveness. Someone who pays closer attention, and plans ahead to make you feel special. Because you are.

I hope that someday soon my son will be more self-aware and a better communicator. While he’s a great kid in so many ways, he is most definitely a work in progress. I hope that his life experiences will help him realize that you are one of the rare ones that deserve to be cherished.

Right now, he’s too young and inexperienced, and that’s OK.
If he’s lucky, he’ll find someone like you somewhere along the way.
It may take him many years, and that’s OK too.
I pray that he does find someone like you. And I hope that he grabs on tight. And he works hard to keep her happy.
And I’ll always thank you for setting the bar so very high.
With love and gratitude to you, sweet girl.

The author wishes to remain anonymous


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About Grown and Flown

Mary Dell Harrington and Lisa (Endlich) Heffernan are the co-founders of Grown and Flown the #1 site for parents of teens, college students and young adults, reaching millions of parents every month. They are writers (Lisa is a New York Times bestselling author), moms, wives and friends. They started the Grown and Flown Parents Facebook Group and are co-authors of Grown and Flown: How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family, and Raise Independent Adults (Flatiron Books) now in paperback.

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