My son just finished his first year of college. While his classes were virtual, his living experience was not and every time I look at him, I see a little boy I want to smother with hugs and kisses and make him a grilled cheese sandwich, just the way he likes it (yellow mustard in the middle), with apple slices on the side.
But he’s not a little boy anymore, he was out in the world for the first time on his own and I’m proud of everything he learned (particularly outside of classes).
What my son learned in college (from his questions)
- “How do I get the string inside a hoodie back into the hood?” I laughed for a good thirty seconds and then tried to explain (not over FaceTime) how to locate the lost part of the string and scrunch it forward until it reaches the other side. He thought maybe there was an easier way to do it. Without a safety pin, there isn’t. He doesn’t have a safety pin or sewing kit, my bad. Note to self — this summer teach him how to sew a button and repair a hole in a T-shirt.
- “How do I get pizza sauce out of a sweatshirt?” BLOT FIRST to soak up excess sauce (never rub) and then dab with dishwashing liquid or laundry detergent. Rinse, and wash. Repeat if necessary.
- “How do I replace shower curtain and rings?” Examine the rings, it’s like a puzzle — there is a locking mechanism and YES, you need a liner!
- “How do I report a lost credit card?” He was too stressed to realize he could do this online and certainly wasn’t interested in having a conversation with a live person over the phone. We did it online together over FaceTime.
- “How long does fruit last?” Clearly, not as long as he thought when outside the refrigerator — he had a net bag full of oranges, one was avocado green with mold, and the rest exploded at first squeeze!
- “How do I get rid of ants?” Find the source and discard, always keep open food in sealed containers, and get traps.
- “Can I drop a class if I got a ‘C’ on the first test?” This one provided a lesson in navigating his large university. It’s intimidating to contact a professor you’ve only met virtually, but he did it and voiced his concerns. They emailed back and forth, resolved some issues, and he ended up with an ‘A’ in the class.
- “How am I supposed to feed myself on a budget and without a car if I don’t like the food in the dining hall?” Meal delivery services are definitely NOT the answer, although he ordered two meals at once to save on fees. We’re still working on this one and prior to returning to school where he’ll be out of the dorm and in an apartment, but still without a car, we’ll have to master some easy meals this summer. So far, he makes great scrambled eggs, but if I could convince him to buy a cooked rotisserie chicken, oh the dishes he could make!
- “I think I’ve got Covid, what do I do?” Yes, you need to get tested and let your suite mates know. Find the medical container filled with medicine I packed for you and the spreadsheet that lists what to take for specific symptoms. Hydrate, rest and don’t leave your room (you have permission to use food delivery service).
And then, there were my lessons
I did my best not to call my son unless I really needed something. I didn’t want to be THAT mom. So, when he called, I never wanted to miss it.
My husband teases me for how fast I dropped what I was doing and ran across the house to follow the sound of my ringing cell phone every time it announced a call from my son. But I knew every conversation was an opportunity to learn about what kind of man he was becoming.
What I learned (from the things he told me)
- When he made a kid he barely knew sleep on his floor and let him vomit all over the bathroom rather than drive himself home — I learned he was a good friend.
- When he bought real maple syrup and wouldn’t let his roommate eat the crappy artificial kind that came with their takeout meals — I learned he could make healthy eating a priority.
- When he did his laundry and put clean sheets on his bed before coming home for winter break — I learned he could be responsible for himself.
- And last, as I moved him out of his dorm a few weeks ago, when I saw a handwritten note from me propped up on his desk — I learned he valued my presence in his life, plus he recognized that I valued his. There’s not much else a mother can ask for.
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