The Word “No” is a Complete Sentence: How to Stop Being Supermom

Does the idea of being Supermom excite you or make you really tired? Here’s the deal, there’s a lot to do in a day but who says you are the one who has to do it all or that it all has to be done right now? If having systems in place to ensure things can carry on with or without you sounds like magic, then these tips are for you.

How to learn to say no.

5 Strategies to Combat Supermom Syndrome

1. Be vulnerable

Ask for help and then let people help you. The people that love you are not mind readers. If you look like Superwoman people will begin to believe that you are. And they’ll let you go on being her. Take off the “S” and let folks in your village and in your home know where you need support. Assign tasks if necessary.

You can decide to pay your children for their chores if you’d like or allow them to earn more screen time or privileges. You can decide to insource or outsource it. There are so many apps and services available for a nominal fee. There are college students and well organized and mature high school students. Have you reached into your own village to find the support you need? Have you determined to find the help that you need or are you still saying I can’t find it so I have to do it all myself?

2. Just say “No”

The word “no” is a complete sentence. But as moms we often feel like we have to explain ourselves if we are unable to be the room mom, or help on the newest committee or any of the other 100 things we’re asked to do. Politely saying no or simply I’m unable to help with the school carnival this year, period! It feels good being able to stand in your value.

There is only so much of us to go around and depending on the season you’re in, maybe it’s someone else time to rise up and be available. I always suggest to moms that whatever volunteer position you’re in as a leader have an assistant and a good team supporting you. Then you can simply turn over the reins.

3. Perfection is the enemy of peace

The burden of perfection can lead to unhappiness and a lack of real awareness and appreciation for what is. It causes us to compare the worst of ourselves to the best of others. We don’t have to cover up our imperfections with a false impression of perfection. You are good enough as you are.

With a sink full of dishes, a hamper full of dirty clothes and kids who didn’t bathe tonight. It’s really ok. Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s take them one at a time instead of filling all of them with the unending lists of what “I” have to get done.

4. Check your systems, Girl!

What systems do you have in place? Feeling like you have to do it all and no one can do it “right” really means you have not created systems that will allow you to step away to care for yourself and know that things won’t fall apart. This is where perfection is revealed to be a flaw. Do you have the proper relationships and friendships that water you and not only pull or take from you? Friendships and sisterfriend relationships that are a win for you and for them. Are your home systems and life systems supporting you or adding to the chaos?

5. Invest in yourself

Where have you invested in you recently? All of us have those places and those areas where we know we need to come up higher and show up bigger. Have you made the investment there? You can’t mentor yourself. You don’t see your own blind spots. Is this the year that you make the decision to say it’s now because what I’m doing isn’t working.

You Might Also Enjoy Reading: 

To The Village Who Helped Me Raise My Daughter

Why We Need to Model Healthy Friendships For Our Teens

What Was True About Friendship In The 80s Is Still True Today

About Deborah Porter

Deborah Porter is a sought-after, influential voice on parenting, motherhood, self and soul care. She is a champion for moms everywhere and works with mothers globally to guide them through the process of learning to be gracious with themselves without the need to compare their motherhood journey with anyone else’s. Deborah is a certified life coach and regular contributor on CBS Virginia This Morning. Her parent advice column, Balance Life with Coach Deborah in Washington Parent, helps parents navigate the chaos, find their balance and not lose themselves in the role of mom. For more information visit Deborah’s complimentary Confident Mom e-book and additional tips are available here.

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