At the age of 55, I spend my days changing diapers, reading stories, and rocking the sweetest chubby baby to sleep. I am a stay-at-home grandmother, and I am one of a quiet number of middle-aged women chipping in to help care for our grandchildren and driving the U.S. economy.
According to findings from childcareaware.org more than half of grandparents who live within an hour of their grandchildren provide childcare every week, and nearly a third of grandparents report changing their work schedule to look after their grandchildren. Parents who rely on grandparents report benefits that include less emotional and financial stress, a strong family bond, and peace of mind. Still, being a regular childcare provider isn’t for every grandparent.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far as a stay-at-home grandmother
1. There are no playgroups for grandmas
I loved being a stay-at-home mom for a lot of reasons. But one of my favorite things about being a SAHM was having other SAHM friends. When my children were small, playdates were a regular occurrence, and they were as much for me as for my kids. They were a fun and easy way to keep the children occupied and give me some much-needed grownup time
Unfortunately, I haven’t found any playgroups for grandmas. My grandson is still a baby, so this isn’t much of an issue for him, but it is an issue for me! The social isolation that comes from being a SAHG (note to self: come up with a new acronym) is a challenge.
2. So, this is retirement?
I hadn’t planned to retire this (ahem) young. However, when I imagined what retirement would be like, I pictured myself spending my time reading great novels–not Brown Bear Brown Bear. I thought I’d finally getting my house organized–not trying to find a place to store an 84-pack of diapers. I pictured myself having long lunches with friends, growing a little garden, and maybe trying some new hobbies.
Being a SAHG indeed means I don’t have the time to do some of the things I’d like to do. However, I have found that, in some ways, taking care of my grandson has freed me up to do things I didn’t know I wanted, and maybe even needed, to do.
The time I spend rocking him has given me hours of stillness and quiet that have deepened my prayer life. I’m more meditative and learning to embrace peaceful silence as a part of my day. Long walks are a part of our routine–not just hustle-to-get-in-a-workout-before-work walks but walks just for the joy of walking and being outside. Some days I nap when he naps. We cuddle A LOT. Being a SAHG means that my days are not my own–but they are better than I ever imagined.
3. I’m not 28 anymore
Before my grandson was even born, I started training for this. I’ve always been a walker, but I’ve added flexibility and balance training to my daily routine just to ensure I can get down on the floor with him and get back up again. Even so, at the end of the day, I am tired–really, really physically, in-my-bones tired. Still, one thing about being a grandmother (unlike a mother) is that there is an end to the day. I sleep like a baby because I’m exhausted and because the baby goes home.
4. Reliving the past–only better!
I’ve always said that the years when my children were young were the happiest of my life. Now, as a SAHG, I get to relive the best parts of that precious time, but I get to do it with less angst and more sleep. It is freeing not to be the one agonizing over every decision, and it’s wonderful not to be getting up every night for a 3:00 a.m. feeding. I’m more patient now than I was as a young mother and less distracted. I know all too well how fleeting this time is, so I am fine with letting my to-do list go undone. Having the time to savor this baby without all the stress that comes with being a parent is truly a gift.
5. I’m happy to pay it forward
Having supportive grandparents around was an incredible gift to us when my husband and I were raising our kids. I am grateful that my children grew up in a close-knit, multi-generational family, and I am so thankful that my grandchildren will too.
Even when grandparents live close to their grandchildren, being a SAHG isn’t for everyone. Still, whether providing regular childcare or just occasional babysitting, when grandparents are an active part of their grandchildren’s lives, everyone benefits.
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