Lifetime has recently announced a new reality show coming out this year entitled “A Sorority Mom’s Guide to Rush.” As I read the article, I cringed with the misinformation and dramatic tone. As a woman who believes in the sorority experience, coupled with decades of experience volunteering, speaking, and working with college sorority women, I hope to share some relevant information to make the recruitment process more successful for your daughter (or neighbor, or niece, or friend).
I have a great career and every year I have the tremendous opportunity to stand on many stages and speak to potential new members (PNMs) who are interested in the NPC sorority recruitment process. The brave, intelligent, and amazing audience interacts, claps, laughs, and engages, and I leave knowing our world is bright if these are the women who will lead us one day. So, let me lift some of the philosophy behind my speaking content and pull the lessons.
Eleven Things to Know About Sorority Life
1. First, take a deep breath
Push out all the information you have about sororities (which could be your very own lived experience from the 1980s, the information you hear from a neighbor over a glass of wine or maybe the information you have heard from a “rush” consultant, or the Instagram influencers). Push all that information out. Now let’s get started…
Emotional contagion is real. This is the process by which people “catch” or adopt the emotions of others, often unconsciously. It’s a well-documented phenomenon in psychology and neuroscience, and it’s particularly relevant in family dynamics, leadership, education, AND sorority recruitment. What “emotion” are people catching from you?
2. Words matter
The process to join an NPC sorority is called Recruitment, not Rush. I know when I joined I did so in the “Rush” process. The name has changed and it’s important to note the change. By definition, “rush” means “to move with urgent haste,” and this process, while it might only be a week, has long moments of time where it feels like the PNMs wait. Recruitment is defined as “the action of finding new people to join an organization or support a cause.” AND that is exactly what the process is. Changing terms might help you change how you support a person going through recruitment.
3. Things have changed
For our readers who are members of sororities and fraternities, a lot has changed since you left college. Many National Panhellenic Conference (NPC) sororities have revised or eliminated both legacy policies and recommendation processes to promote a more equitable recruitment experience. All twenty-six groups are different, and it is very easy to go to each respective website to find the information you need. About-the-Member-Organizaztions.pdf
4. Pronouns matter
For parents reading this, remember that “she” is the correct pronoun for your daughter. When you say “we” — as in, “We had a great week” or “We didn’t get invited back” — it implies that you’re participating in Recruitment. But you’re not, and you shouldn’t be. When I see comments on social media about how this has been the most stressful week for “us,” I wonder if parents need to simply step back.
5. Every sorority is a good sorority
There are no “good sororities” or “top chapters,” and there are no “bad sororities,” and when outside forces refer to women’s organizations in this capacity, we are saying to young women that not all women are GOOD. Girls have enough issues growing up, and the last messaging young women need to hear from rational grown adults is that a group of women are “bad” or aren’t “top tier.”
6. Yes, she will get released
The old term is “cut,” and the current terminology is “released,” and it’s a nice way to say that. Just like an intern or job interview or the college application process, your daughter won’t always be selected during a mutual selection process. This has happened her WHOLE life, but during recruitment it is statistically going to happen. So, understanding that and supporting her in those moments can be useful to your daughter.
7. Think of this as a first interview
Recruitment is a fast-paced, on-the-job training experience for the rest of her life. In a few short years, your daughter will submit resumes for internships and jobs. Companies will recruit (recognize the word?) her, she will interview, and she might be turned down (kind of like being released). Remove some of the drama and treat Recruitment like it is her first interview.
Recruitment isn’t a “bloodbath” (as one parent told me). It’s a mutual selection process. The Release Figure Method (RFM) is beautifully built and executed by the National Panhellenic Conference (NPC). This formula was developed by a brilliant sorority woman who graduated from MIT. Today, College Panhellenics are placing over 90% during recruitment (which is a vast improvement from the 1980s and 1990s). This is all explained to your daughter by the College Panhellenic, so please let them be the expert. If you want to know more, seek out the information from the NPC website (The Sorority Life – National Panhellenic Conference) or the College Panhellenic social media channels because the information will be accurate and consistent with the information your daughter is receiving.
8. She’s got this!
For 18 years, your smart, kind, beautiful daughter has had hopes, dreams, and aspirations. This is her time to shine and be herself. If the outside world is coaching her on what to say, what to wear, how to sit, how to smile, and how to breathe, she might show up on Bid Day to a group of women who do not know who she is. She might even lose sight of who she is. It is her time to find her voice and minimize the outside voices.
9. After Bid Day
This is when the real work begins with showing up, paying dues, contributing to philanthropy and service, taking the time to get to know her sisters. What people don’t realize is that while Recruitment may feel hard, the hard work of being a contributing member to the organization is where she will get the real value!
10. What if it doesn’t work out?
Last year, my son was medically disqualified after five days of attending the United States Coast Guard Academy. Was it hard? Absolutely. Were there tears…lots of them. Did he get through it? Absolutely. When sorority recruitment doesn’t work out, the great news is colleges and universities offer fraternal membership in culturally based fraternities and sororities, service, or professional organizations, in addition to a wide range of clubs and organizations where she can make friends, connect, and thrive. Each college student has their own unique path that they must figure out, and that is the work that helps them prepare for the real world.
11. What’s the point of college?
I could offer up a lot of research here, but here’s what I believe the point of college is…. for a person to learn how to use their voice. Lean In and McKinsey & Company have conducted the “Women in the Workplace” study since 2019 (Women in the Workplace 2024: Key Findings & Takeaways). I started following their research around the “broken rung theory” at the release of their first report and I have followed it ever since. Through their research, the major obstacle of women getting ahead in their career is the FIRST step up to manager (e.g., the first job in a person’s career). Consistently, every single year, women are failing in their first job to get that promotion. That says to me, the ENTIRE point of college is for women to learn to use their voice, to know themselves, to speak up for what is wrong and what is right in the world and to find a sisterhood that supports them in becoming the amazing persons they are intended to be.
Remember when you left home for the first time…and remember how you didn’t want your parents around all the time?
Remember that? She wants and needs her space too because growing up requires independence. So sit back, relax, and watch her soar!
Some of this information appeared previously; however, new information is introduced that is relevant to 2025.
More Great Reading:
