As our third of four children prepares to leave home, I’m overcome with a quiet, profound joy.
We’ve raised another decent, capable human being, and that, to me, is success.
In a world that often defines worth by job titles and salaries, I’ve wrestled with my own sense of value as a mostly stay-at-home, sometimes-paid-to-work mom. My ambition has never been tied to promotions or paychecks. Instead, I’ve tried to model a deeper form of success: one rooted in values, not valuables.
The other day, my husband mentioned his salary and how it’s supported our family. It struck me, not just the practicality of it, but the deeper truth: that the kind of success I believe in can’t be measured by income.
Who am I? What do I stand for?
At the end of the day, that’s the real ledger. That’s the inheritance I hope to leave behind. My
worth was never meant to be measured by a paycheck, and this legacy doesn’t come with a
price tag.
I lost my father when I was 20, and my younger brother when I was 49. Both gone too soon—at 47 and 48. At their memorials, I saw what it means to live a successful life. It’s not fame or
fortune. It’s how you make people feel. How you show up. Who you are when no one’s watching.
In their honor, I write this letter to you, my children
If you take nothing else from my time as your mother, I hope you carry this with you as you navigate life’s journey:
Dear kids,
Here’s what I believe defines success – in no particular order, but every bit essential…
Friendship
Show up. Listen. Care deeply. And choose people who do the same. At your uncle’s memorial, over 500 people came. The one trait they all admired most? He showed up when it mattered.
Respect
Appreciate differences. Be kind and polite to others, especially when you disagree. Free to be you and me is what makes our country great. Respect both people and property.
Integrity
Be honest. Do the right thing even when no one is watching.
Own your mistakes
Apologize when you mess up. Think twice about peer pressure, and remember where you came from. Speak up for the kid getting harassed, even if it costs you something.
Hobbies
Find what makes you come alive. Music, sewing, biking, hiking, writing, meditation-whatever fills your soul. Creativity and nature will balance you when the world doesn’t.
Family
You don’t choose the one you’re born into, but you can nurture and grow the one you cherish. Forced Family Fun – our signature brand of togetherness – becomes the journal of lifelong memories. Even the RV trip during the pandemic earned its own chapter worth remembering.
Laughter
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh until you cry – or pee your pants, like your mom. Humor can weather any storm.
Movement
Move your body. Positive endorphins are the best kind of addiction. “Motion is lotion,” as they say. After three knee surgeries, running is a gift I’ll never take for granted. Take care of your health, so you can chase what you love for as long as life lets you.
Service
Life is bigger than you. Joy lives in small acts of kindness and big acts of courage.
Volunteer
Protest. Feed people. Show up. Use your hands, your heart, and your voice to lift others. Real impact begins the moment you roll up your sleeves.
Vulnerability
Let people see you. Feel deeply. Speak your truth with courage, even if your voice shakes. You can’t let the light in without cutting windows into your walls. Sensitivity is a superpower that builds trust, connection, and the kind of friendships that last.
Resilience
Don’t give up before you try. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. Anxiety is often just your mind reacting to something new. Highs and lows are part of life – it’s how you move through them that builds character, grit, and the kind of confidence that doesn’t wait for rescue.
Humility
Let your actions speak for themselves. Show, don’t tell. If you have to announce your greatness, chances are you’re not quite there yet. You can’t put a price on pride that comes
from a job well done.
Self-love
Love yourself first, so you can fully love others. Set boundaries. Say no without guilt – “No” is a complete sentence. Give yourself grace, and make yourself a priority. Self-care is not selfish, it’s a sacred act of love.
Money will come if you stay true to your values
I’m not ignoring the reality of bills, rent, or responsibilities. Just don’t let money be your only measure of success. The richest people aren’t always the ones with the biggest bank accounts – they’re the ones who’ve built meaningful lives, strong relationships, and a sense of purpose they can be proud of.
That’s the kind of wealth I hope you achieve.
With all my love, Mom
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