I knew I was lost the moment I peered into the hospital nursery and the thought that instantly bubbled up was that our grand-baby was unquestionably the cutest baby there. Ridiculous, since at this age, babies look virtually identical. But, I am obsessed.
In the barest nascency of grandparenthood I am already prepared to say that this is an experience that 10/10 would recommend. Or as a dear friend told me a year ago when she became a grandmother, this is the only life experience that is actually NOT overrated. Not even a little.
Becoming a grandparent is a uniquely special experience
What makes this experience so uniquely powerful?
Perspective-I have it. I raised three sons to adulthood and if there is one thing I learned it’s that you will never know why one night your baby is up every hour and the next he sleeps all the way through. You will never know the why of it and it will never matter because this baby too will grow to adulthood and her sleep skills–or lack of them–will one day no longer be your problem. And so it goes with almost everything that arises in babyhood.
While you’re raising your children, many things feel incredibly consequential. Most are not. So, when I look at my granddaughter, I feel a certain peace, acceptance or just a quiet “knowing” that I didn’t have with my own kids.
I am aware that I can have an outsized impact on my granddaughter by loving her unconditionally, but conversely, I know that I cannot “ruin” her. I was so overwhelmed and in the weeds with my own children. I perpetually worried that I was doing the wrong thing. That thought no longer weighs heavily on me. My granddaughter has parents which leaves me free to simply love her.
The dawning of appreciation in your child’s eyes is amazing
The dawning of understanding in my adult child’s eyes is a moment-and a good one. It’s not about vindication or even long overdue appreciation. It’s just that none of us know what we don’t know. And last night I literally watched the lightbulb go off in my son’s eyes. Raising a child is relentlessly hard, day-in-day-out, in-the-trenches, hard. And there is no way to convey that to your children.
Last night, my son who hasn’t slept in several nights groggily asked, “How did you do this three times?” Eureka. I don’t take any joy in their exhaustion but there is something deeply satisfying in being seen.
Seeing my son become a father is heartwarming
But mostly this…
My son is a father!! He has a daughter. My serious, all business son lies on the floor sticking his tongue out at his infant daughter as she sticks hers out at him. He gazes at her and I recognize that look. Did I know he was capable of love? Yes, of course. But this love, this love is so massive and so transformative. I’m overjoyed that my son and daughter-in-law have an opportunity to experience this kind of love.
And finally this…
I’m beginning to recognize what my grandparents felt when they looked at me. It was always a wonder to me that I needed to do absolutely nothing to earn their love and there was seemingly nothing I could do to lose that love.
I appreciate now that it was all actually very plain: In me my grandparents saw their world fulfilled. And it is with great joy that I now join them here in this timeless circle of unconditional love.
More Great Reading:
The Day I Found Out My Unmarried Son Was Going to Be a Father
