It’s a whole new ballgame when you move back in with your parents at age 55.
It’s temporary, yes. I am not going through a divorce; rather, my husband and I decided to relocate back to our home state after living out of state for a few years. Because of the timing, we weren’t able to find a rental and now, the rental we have found is delayed in construction.
Our kids are grown and flown, and we have the flexibility to relocate because our jobs are remote. I also realize it’s a first world problem to be living in a guest house on my parents’ property, for which we are grateful and appreciative. We have a tiny space of our own, and they are so gracious to welcome us into “their” extra space.
It’s strange to be back in your parents’ house at 55
It’s a strange phenomenon, though, to be back as a child under your parents’ roof, as not just an adult, but as a full grown person who has made their own life. I’ve quickly realized that parenting is ingrained; you don’t stop caring, worrying, offering to help, providing support, and ultimately, offering things.
This is what I mean by offering things.
Knock knock: “Do you need an avocado? We have several.”
Knock knock: “I’m heading to the grocery store, do you need anything?”
Knock knock: “I made a quiche and we have plenty, do you want some?”
Knock knock: “Here’s your mail.” This inevitably results in a 10-20 min chat.
Knock knock: “I made cookies. Come on over and get some.”
Text message: “Your laundry is finished washing, can I put it all in the dryer?”
I’m starting to learn the value of YES.
It easier, nicer and kinder to just say yes
It’s so kind, so nice, and so considerate for them to include us, and ask if we need anything. By the way- we do the same when we head to Costco, grocery store, etc. And I know that they want us to eat the (insert food item here), or take one of the (insert food item here), so maybe it’s easier to just say YES.
I was sharing this thought with a friend, and she said the very next day her in-laws offered her a large bag of oranges from a neighbor’s tree. She said no in her head, but her mouth said yes. She knew it would make them happy.
And this is what I shared with her, because it’s what I’ve concluded. YES is nicer, easier, kinder. It’s the better response, even when you know the extra avocado may go to waste or the quiche might be thrown in the garbage. No one will be the wiser.
The offers of help and food come from a place of love and caring
I also- by the way- shared this with my adult son, who often rolls his eyes and says “no thank you” over and over as I offer him everything under the sun. It’s me, I’m my mother’s daughter. I cannot help it, and he knows that it comes from the right place – just as I believe that the offers that come from my own parents come from love.
I told him–sometimes just say YES. Throw away/share/give away the cookies if you don’t want them. Take the leftovers and toss them if you don’t eat them.
I’ve concluded that sometimes the effort I make is as much about making myself happy as it is about making him happy, and I am certain my parents feel the same way. He was surprised to hear me say this. “Wait, you want me to take the muffins and then throw them away?” he asked incredulously.
YEP.
He laughed, and I laughed, and we sorta mutually, silently agreed; I don’t need to know if they were delicious or dry, or went uneaten.
It makes a parent happy to do something, anything for their kids. Just let us.
More Great Reading:
My Parents Have Always Made My Life Easier
Jacqueline Graham is a wife, friend, mom to 2 adults. full-time professional, and multitasker extraordinaire. She’s been an aspiring writer for as long as she can remember. She never finds the time. But she reads a lot! You can find her on Facebook.
