My best friend and I have not seen each other for six months. We’ve been texting lately, having fun planning a girls’ weekend.
We want to go to a spa, that’s for certain. But we aren’t sure when and we aren’t sure where. The thing is, we aren’t in too much of a hurry– we know we will get around scheduling, planning, and seeing each other– because we always do.
We also know that it will be therapeutic and healing and push our reset button and allow us to reenter our everyday lives as better women, because it always does.
When you are lucky enough to have a true best friend, you realize something about having them in your life: you don’t need to see each other constantly; you don’t need weekly validation they are still your best girl.
You do however shoot them a text if you haven’t heard from them for a spell wondering if they are still coming up for air. And if all they can manage is a thumbs-up emoji back, that’s good enough for you.
In fact, if a year goes by without a meeting, you miss each other but it doesn’t interrupt your connection. It doesn’t weaken your bond. And you certainly aren’t afraid anyone is going to step into your spot and take your best friend status away.
When you have a true bestie, whether you’ve known her for a few months or a few decades, you don’t need constant validation of your friendship. There’s something about your relationship that flows like water and feels like the perfectly worn-in recliner.
It doesn’t mean you don’t have disagreements, or hurt each other’s feelings, or wish you had more time together. And I am by no means talking about a one-sided friendship where one of you is always the one extending the olive branch.
It means you have hurt feelings followed by meaningful discussions with each other (not with Karen as a sounding board), and they don’t make you insecure or worried that your friendship won’t make it through because you both know your ties run deeper than that. So deep that they know things about you no one knows (including what’s in your top drawer). They even know that fantasy you had about the garbage man last week.
You can go a really long time without seeing each other and meet again and feel like it’s only been a few days.
You have a deep understanding about their life and what things feel like for them and they understand you in the same way.
You can tell them they have a piece of brownie in their teeth and order fries after noticing they didn’t and say, “Listen, I really need these fries so if you are planning on stealing any, it’s safer for you to just order your own, okay sister?”
I know I will see my best friend soon and I can’t wait for our relaxing weekend.
But I’m also excited for that quick text, that emoji, and that “I need you right now can you talk this instant?”
I know I will see her again and again for the rest of our lives.
I know she’s not going anywhere.
I know we might get really busy and not talk for a month and then be on the phone for over two hours one random Wednesday evening and verbally vomit on each other and well both feel refreshed.
I know this, and so there’s no need for constant reassurance.
I know this because she’s my person.
And there’ isn’t a length of time away from her that will change that.