Why is it that our kids come up with their most inane thoughts and pressing questions just as we are snuggling into bed for the night, or watching our favorite show?
Here is a sampling of what my teen NEEDS to tell me at 11:17pm.
- The field trip permission slip was due today. Can you quickly hand-write a note and scan it to my history teacher? Oh, and be sure to list all of my medications. And insurance information. And a headshot. Just use my school picture. I’m not sure. It’s somewhere.
- Oh my god, I literally have nothing to put on my college applications. Why’d you let me quit cross country?
- Can you quiz me on the Spanish subjunctivo? It’s fine if you can’t roll your “r’s”, you’ll sound more like Señora O’Sullivan.
- I feel nauseous. It’s kinda hard to explain. Just my stomach feels tingly. I can’t tell if I’m hungry. Can I borrow your pillow? Mine’s all hot.
- I forgot! I need a packet of felt by tomorrow. A packet! That’s what it says in the assignment. I don’t know … a bunch of colors? I just need it by tomorrow. Oh, and some pinking shears.
- The printer’s not working. It keeps making a weird grinding noise and won’t print. I need you to take me to Kinko’s.
- I need more shampoo. And can you not make something with garbanzo beans for dinner tomorrow? You put them in everything. It’s so annoying.
- I have to bring a German-themed dessert to share in first period. It needs to be homemade to get credit. Like apfel küchen. Except we’re out of apples. Actually, I have a huge test in Bio and haven’t started studying, so can you just make something?
- Where’d you put my orange hoodie? And don’t say, clean your room! Also, can you wash my jersey? I have a game tomorrow. Don’t forget, air-dried.
- I think I have lice. My head is itchy. Really itchy. You should probably take me to Urgent Care.
- The AP Calc final’s tomorrow and I legitimately have no idea what I’m doing. All I need is a quick review of Riemann sums with sigma notation. Ugh, Mom, stop! You’re stressing me out!
- Which outfit should I wear tomorrow? The white skirt or the jean dress? You have to pick one! The white skirt? Really? Never mind, I’ll ask Ava.
- Mom? Wait, you’re already sleeping? Do you hear that noise? Like a high-pitched squeal? There! Did you hear that? Hold on. Well, I don’t know, it might’ve stopped.
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Laurie Spielvogel works as a Teaching Professor at Penn State and lives in State College, Pennsylvania with her husband and three teens. Can we all agree that the silver lining of raising teenagers (and toddlers, their sucky younger brethren) is that we can make fun of them? Her creative work has been published in Points in Case, Kugelmass, Freerange Nonfiction, Hippocampus, and Anthropology and Humanism. Drawing upon her training as a cultural anthropologist, she’s launching a cooking blog with international recipes that require stocking the pantry with only five key ingredients for each style of cuisine (http://5pantryingredients.weebly.com). She can be contacted by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“Things Your Teenage Daughter Tells You…” orginally appeared on Points in Case. https://www.pointsincase.com/