The wedding planning begins
It begins. Oldest daughter got engaged one week ago and today was the first day of checking out “venues.” Wife and daughter have been perusing websites and scheduling appointments all week. The target date is about a year from now and they learned that venues are filling FAST so time to jump into action. Somehow I was roped into driving them around today.
Correction on saying “It begins.” Daughter has been looking at wedding stuff for about a year. She tried to say she should go to the big Houston Wedding Expo last summer, but I told her they check all the women’s fingers for engagement rings at the door so she wouldn’t get in.
I’m not afraid that I’m losing my daughter
Last night, my daughter decided we should all watch “Father of the Bride.” While I can relate to some of the wedding planning fears, I really don’t identify with Steve Martin. His underlying fear was really about losing his daughter. I’m not really worried there.
My daughter is marrying a great guy and we couldn’t be happier. Besides I’m planning what to do with her bedroom when she moves out—2 words: “Man Cave.” My shot glass collection is going back on display! I think I’ll buy one of those Ms. Pac-Man tables like in Pizza Hut, too.
1st Venue: 8AM on a Saturday was a little rough—especially since it was a 50-minute drive. True to form the bride-to-be was late to her own wedding venue visit having overslept. I drove really fast and we managed to get there at 8:05. Cool place. Lots of flexibility and options. Not pushy but a nice discount if we signed fairly soon.
I quickly learned that I don’t have much of a say in the wedding planning
I was ready to sign on the spot personally but, I’m quickly learning, I generally don’t have a say in much of this. My favorite feature: an onsite pond where you can actually fish while waiting for the festivities to begin.
Our next appointment said it was 20 minutes away on Waze but we had about 2 hours to kill. We considered driving to see brother-in-law which Waze said was only 25 minutes away but it was sort of the wrong direction so after a quick gas pitstop, we headed for the venue and figured we’d find Starbucks or something.
We were not very familiar with the area but it was a scenic drive. However, after a while we started recognizing streets—near BIL’s neighborhood. I had never changed the address in Waze back to the venue!
I quickly circled back. It should have just been a waste of gas and 30 minutes or so except for one thing neither we nor Waze was aware of: A parade. Waze took us right into a traffic jam due to closed streets and kept directing us back into it. Every time I tried a side street that looked like it would get me back to the highway, I’d hit a roadblock and another detour. Tick, tick, tick.
That 2 hour gap we had was quickly evaporating. Finally I found a path and disregarding a few speed limits, we pulled in just 5 minutes after our appointment time. While I was highly criticized by wife and daughter for the lost time, my daughter was able to speak with fiancé and some friends and ended up clarifying the venue choices based on their feedback.
We looked at the second possible wedding venue
2nd Venue: This place was nice but more rustic and had a very different vibe. Where the first place was very light and airy, this one felt like modern day mead hall from Game of Thrones. In fact it even had a pair of very throne-like chairs for the bride and groom. It also had a large fireplace that was really cool, but the whole place smelled sort of smoky.
I imagined in 25 years or so when GRANDdaughters unpacked my daughter’s vacuum sealed wedding dress, they’d rear back from the smoky smell and wonder if their mother was married at a BBQ joint. My favorite feature: For the groom’s “room” they had a real train caboose (red of course) on the property that had been converted into a man cave with bar and deck. VERY cool. I may have to see if we can get one of those for the backyard. The current wood swing set is just taking up room at this point anyway.
We loved the first wedding venue
After seeing that second venue, the choice was clear: wife and daughter loved the first place and they had some significant savings we could take advantage of (and reinvest into the wedding in other ways). However there were 2 dates my daughter wanted and the guide had said only 1 was available. After a couple of calls with fiancé, the decision was made to book it. Daughter called the venue before we even made it home because 3 other brides were touring when we were.
She excitedly called them to tell them we’d take the day they had free—and then it got sort of quiet and daughter’s face said it all. One of those couples booked our date. I really didn’t expect the first significant wedding tears or decisions to happen in a Toyota Highlander.
After a few seconds of shock, we jumped into action. The venue had another date that we had once considered but had sort of decided against—could it work? We ran through some quick scenarios regarding work, school, schedules and daughter made another call to fiancé —poor guy had a final exam in an hour and now had to think about wedding dates too. (We were not expecting to make any decisions until next weekend at earliest). It would work—even better in some ways!
It took some machinations but we were able to secure the first venue
Another phone call back to the venue, an email, docusign and the first major hit on my credit card for this blessed event and we had the date secured. Hopefully all the other arrangements are a little less stressful than today, but also hope they are as successful.
The calendar is marked! (Now let me go Google some options for my backyard caboose).
Russell Kolb is the dad of 3 daughters ages 24, 20 and 17 and 5 dogs. He’s always been an involved parent doing everything from building/hauling band props, chaperoning All State choir auditions and coordinating fundraisers. His oldest daughter’s wedding is in November, and the nest will be empty for the first time after that.
Unexpected booth items
Took a short break from wedding planning but have managed to refine the guest list to a probable range. After playing a game of pick-your-favorite-family-members, we have a decent number to use for planning. If the wife would relent on the rule for no BBQ or paper plates, we could probably invite more, but rules are rules.
Living in a big city, we have a lot of options and resources, and today we took advantage of that and attended the Bridal Extravaganza Show at the downtown Houston conference center—thousands of square feet of vendors showing/selling anything and everything remotely related to weddings.
I accompanied my daughter and wife to a Bridal Extravaganza Show
I decided to accompany wife and daughter for a few reasons; partly since I work in corporate retail any kind of retail/marketing always interest me, I figured there would be some decent food sampling, but mostly b/c I didn’t want to turn my back on those two surrounded by people trying to sell them stuff for this blessed event.
Mildly ominous beginnings as we walked in and there was a line (not exaggerating) about 3 city blocks long to enter the main conference room. While wife and daughter headed to find the end, I walked up to the front to make sure we were getting in the right line since we had prepaid for tickets online.
The nice lady at the front confirmed that yes, we had to get in that line but assured me it would move fast. Consequently I had to walk ALL the way along the length of the line past several hundred people. I got COUNTLESS compliments and chuckles as people saw my t-shirt. In fact throughout the day I had 2 people ask to take a pic of it and even several booth vendors (who I figure see all kinds of wedding t-shirts) laughed and gave me a thumbs up. (In case it’s hard to see in pic, this Christmas gift from daughter says “Father of the Bride – Scan Here for Payment”)
There were many surprising items and services at the Bridal Show
Unexpected booth item #1
Wedding Speech Consulting – they apparently will work with Father of the Bride (FOB), Best Man, Maid of Honor, etc. to prepare speeches and toasts. I generally don’t mind public speaking so I don’t feel like I need any help there (and I’m certainly not going to pay for it). Aside: Wife has told me not to embarrass her when I have to make my FOB speech/toast at the reception.
An open mic is pretty alluring for me, but I will do my best with certain concessions, if wife/daughter stick to the budget, I’ll stick to the script. If they venture above that budget, all bets are off when I’ve got mic in hand.
The line DID move pretty quickly and I’d say we were inside after maybe 20 minutes. While in line though, we saw an odd sight walking toward us—5 tuba players and some percussionists. I almost yelled out “Hey, do you guys do weddings?” but figured wife and daughter would not appreciate that. Apparently there was a Houston Texans watch party on an upper floor and they were here for that.
I was surprised to see so many grooms and other FOBs there. I thought I’d be one of the few men there but I’d say we made up at least a third of the crowd. I also saw a few small children there against their will be carted around in wagons or strollers while staring at iPads.
Unexpected booth item #2
Bathroom trailers – I guess if your wedding is a rural setting, you can’t just have a port-a-potty. These looked like customized trailers with near-hotel quality bathrooms on wheels. Not really sure where things ultimately end up on these rolling restrooms, but they looked nice and 2 different vendors were promoting them. (Luckily our venue has indoor plumbing even if it is called “The Farmhouse”).
We made one significant purchase: a photo booth thingy. I’ve been forbidden from sharing any details but let’s just say it’s the modern day replacement for those little disposable cameras they put on reception tables back in the 90s. It also comes with a mechanism to share an audio message to the happy couple (again I cannot describe how), but I predict the audio file we get at the end could have a drunk-guest message on it. We may need to cut that device off early or at least place it far from the bar.
Unexpected booth item #3
Cake flowers – Not the cakes themselves, just the sugar flowers to decorate them. While beautiful and skillfully made, this raised all kinds of questions for me: how do they pack and transport them to the cake-baker?—I pictured repurposed egg cartons or some very gentle bubble wrapping; how does the cake-baker know where to put them and how to attach them?—do they come with instructions? And lastly if I’m the cake-baker do I welcome these made-by-someone-flowers b/c they save me time or am I offended that the bride hired someone else to make the flowers b/c she did not trust my cake-decorating skill? This seems like an odd separation of duties.
We never had lunch today but no problem. Enjoyed samples of wedding cake, ice cream, BBQ brisket/sausage, fajitas, chicken cordon bleu, and lemon chicken spaghetti. Not to be a complete moocher, we likely will use that cake bakery, we did buy something from the ice cream sample provider and all that other food came from a caterer that has jumped high into contention for this gig.
Unexpected booth item # 4
A whole crop of booths were selling anti-aging treatments, weight loss programs and even plastic surgery. (No free Botox samples though).
Between t-shirt compliments, one vendor asked me if I had been dragged there and if I was sad about missing the Texans playoffs game. I told him I’m a Cowboys fan and my season ended last week.
Unexpected booth item #5
Dog Adoptions? – Not sure of the connection, but one booth had a few dogs up for adoption. I jokingly asked one of the workers “How many puppies can you deliver to one wedding?” but she seemed unamused.
Wife immediately started baby-talking one of the dogs and said she wanted to take him home. I really thought I was going to this thing to prevent my wife from buying a $2,000 bridal bouquet or gold-plated table chargers and napkin rings, but thank God I was there or else she would have come home with a dog.
As the afternoon wore on, all of a sudden I noticed there were TV’s everywhere and they were showing the Texans game. All the fathers of the brides (FOBs) started to congregate around them, but I figured this was some sort of vendor trick—distract all the FOBs to let the brides and mothers of the brides (MOBs) spend without restraint.
I stayed focused on my mission as Father of the Bride
Had the Cowboys progressed in the playoffs, this might have worked on me. (Actually had the Cowboys still been alive and playing today, I probably would have stayed home and lord knows how much that would have cost me. I guess God was looking out for me by making the Cowboys falter last week, but I digress…) While I definitely glanced at the screens to see how the Texans game was going, I stayed focused on my mission.
Sat (finally) for a wedding dress fashion show. I managed to position my chair sideways so I could watch the game while still semi-watching the show. Wedding dress models came in many shapes and sizes, and I was impressed that some of those strapless dresses managed to “contain” them completely.
There’s obviously some engineering that goes into those dresses. I was surprised to see a solid black wedding dress—does the groom wear white then?—and a purple one, too. Purple wasn’t quite Barney the Dinosaur purple as it was a paler shade. Might have been blue—I’m colorblind—but it wasn’t white.
Stopped at one large booth with dozens of cakes on display. Beautiful, intricate wedding cakes but the grooms’ cakes were way more interesting. A big R2-D2 cake with Star Wars space ships flying around it was my favorite. The half wedding-half Batman cake was cool too.
At the end of the fashion show, all the brides were invited to the main floor and the hostess threw out rolled up papers with different prizes. I saw my daughter display her inability to catch multiple times, and she was also sort of knocked aside by one zealous bride lunging for a prize. However, she did manage to grab one that fell to the floor. I helped her remove the tape and unroll it to find…a free pass for tomorrow’s show.
Overall, it was a successful day. We walked around for about 5 hours but managed to gather ideas, make some decisions and learn from wedding professionals—without blowing the budget or adding anything crazy to the scope of this little project.
We even managed to save some money (I think) by making some purchases there and taking advantage of event pricing. We came home with many brochures, a few small freebies (including a pair of “Engaged” koozies for the happy couple), a full stomach of samples and dozens of compliments for my t-shirt (even one as we were leaving).
Blissful times…
More Great Reading
Mother of the Bride Versus the Wedding Planner: A Lesson in Letting Go
