So maybe I was getting a little frustrated.
We were bouncing along unfinished, muddy roads in Palawan, palm trees and limestone cliffs on one side and occasional glimpses of the ocean on the other. It was the kind of scenery I had traveled halfway around the world to see.
My daughters were either staring at their phones, impatiently waiting for service to return, or sleeping against the windows.
They were missing it. At least that’s what I thought.
I wanted to tell them to wake up. Put the phones down. Look outside. Pay attention. Someday you’re going to wish you remembered this. But underneath my slight irritation, I understood something I probably wouldn’t have when they were younger.
My kids experienced a family trips differently than we did
They didn’t have to experience the trip exactly the way I did for it to matter.
Maybe the value of family adventure travel wasn’t measured by how often all five of us stared appreciatively out the same window. Maybe it was what happened to us because we were there together.
When the children were younger we had to adjust the trips to them
My wife and I have been dragging our three daughters—now 15, 18 and 20—on adventures for most of their lives. When they were younger, that meant adjusting the adventure to what they could handle.
I remember the first time our youngest was finally old enough to zip-line in Colorado. She still didn’t weigh enough to build up momentum on her own, so a guide had to ride the line with her, but she was zip-lining.
On a whitewater rafting trip through the Royal Gorge, she was still young enough that the guides required her to sit on the floor of the raft while the rest of us paddled. Years later, we traveled through Australia in a campervan and swam with whales off K’gari. The adventures had gotten bigger and more ambitious because the girls had.
Eventually, something else changed too.
As our daughters grew we were the ones who struggled to keep up with them
We stopped having to figure out whether they were old enough to come with us. They became capable enough that we sometimes had to catch up with them.
In the Philippines, I watched all three of them jump from our boat and swim toward a shipwreck while my wife and I were still upstairs putting on sunscreen. They carried their own packs. They talked easily with travelers from other countries. They navigated unfamiliar places with a confidence that would have been impossible to imagine when one of them was still sitting on the floor of a raft.
For years, I had thought we were taking our daughters on adventures.
I was beginning to understand that the adventures had been doing something to all of us. Research backs up some of what I’m beginning to learn. One study of 265 family travelers found that vacations contributed to family bonding, communication and solidarity. Another study of adolescents found that family holiday travel was associated with higher life satisfaction and subjective well-being.
It was never about spending a lot of money, it was the time spent together
I know family travel can be expensive, and I don’t take for granted that we’ve been able to do it. But, looking back, some of the best money we spent wasn’t on things. It was on experiences that gave us time together, stories to tell and challenges to work through as a family.
Adventure travel has a way of stripping away the routines that separate a family. Even if we had simply driven a few hours from home and pitched a tent, it would have served the same purpose.
At home, everyone has somewhere to be. School. Work. Sports. Friends. Activities. Bedrooms with closed doors. Phones connected to reliable Wi-Fi. Then you land somewhere unfamiliar and suddenly everyone is on the same team again.
When you are away from home, suddenly you’re all on the same team again
You are figuring out where to eat. Whether that road actually leads where GPS says it does. Whether the tuk-tuk driver knows where to drop us. Whether everyone has enough water. What to do when the weather changes or the flights don’t work out or the bathroom is considerably more adventurous or less toilet-papery than anyone anticipated.
Someone gets tired.
Someone gets irritated.
Someone says something so ridiculous that it becomes an inside joke for the next five years. And sometimes someone sleeps through a beautiful drive in Palawan.
That counts too.
Because I’ve come to think that the important part isn’t making sure our children appreciate every moment we give them. It’s continuing to create moments together during years when life is increasingly pulling them elsewhere.
Teenagers and young adults are supposed to become more independent. Their friends become more important, and their interests become their own. Eventually, college, careers, and relationships begin pulling them into lives that no longer revolve around Mom and Dad. Travel doesn’t stop any of that.
I’m not sure I’d want it to.
Our family travel gave us a communal space as we all changed
But for our family, adventure gave us a place where we could keep meeting one another as we changed. The little girls we once had to help through an adventure became teenagers who could contribute to it, and eventually young women capable of creating adventures of their own.
Maybe that is why I’m so glad we kept going.
Not because every trip was perfect. Not because everyone appreciated every palm tree.
And certainly not because nobody ever stared at a phone.
I’m glad because somewhere along all those muddy roads, missed turns, boat rides, strange meals, long flights, and ridiculous family jokes, we built something together.
Adventure travel didn’t keep our daughters from growing away from us. It gave us a way to keep growing alongside them.
Maybe, now that they are beginning to build lives of their own, that was the bigger adventure all along.
Maybe someday they’ll pass that same sense of adventure on to children of their own. And who knows? Maybe they’ll call ol’ Grandma and Grandpa for an assist every now and then.
I’d be more than okay with another family adventure or two.
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We Made Sacrifices to Pay for This and, for Our Family, It Was Worth Every Penny
