Boyfriend and Best Friend: How Can We Help Our Teens?

One teen’s story of hurt and sense of betrayal when one of her best friends and a boy she has a secret crush on become boyfriend-girlfriend.  What would say to her if she was your daughter? 

I always heard stories about other girls stealing another girl’s boyfriend and I would sit and wonder how a girl could possibly do that to another girl. Little did I know something so similar would happen to me my sophomore year in high school.

When your daughter has boyfriend and best friend troubles.

[More on High School Sophomores here.]

I had a tight group of friends, both girls and guys, and over summer break, our group hung out a lot. By a lot, I mean bi-weekly or more. And that was just with stuff we planned. We all did cross-country, so we saw each other every day at practice also. We were extremely close, to say the least. So close that it was inevitable that some of us developed feelings for others within our group of eleven. I was one of those said people. Sometime over summer, I fell hard for this guy named Chris*. Chris was funny, outgoing, kind, and super athletic; everything I look for in a guy.

After a couple of weeks, I told my two best friends about Chris. They didn’t do cross-country, and therefore didn’t know who he was, but were happy for me nonetheless. When school started, Chris and I had a few classes together. They encouraged me to go after him and see what would happen. So I went for it. I talked to him in class, while we were walking in the halls, at break, and at lunch. Every day after school, we would text for hours. It made me so happy talking to him that even when I was tired, we would text late into the night.

Then, one day, about five months later, I introduced my best friends to my cross-country friends. I thought it would be great if all my friends became friends because then we could all be one, big group. Worst mistake I’ve ever made.

Chris and I told each other everything, and soon after my friends all were introduced, he texted me saying he thought Sarah* was cute and that he might have a little crush on her. I was so upset and hurt, but I told Sarah and my other best friend, Leila*, anyway, because we told each other everything. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. They both knew I had liked him for over five months, and Sarah already had a guy that she was crushing on.

When I told her, Sarah didn’t say anything for a moment. When she finally did, I wished she had never said anything.

“Wow! Yeah, he’s cute, too. I might like him,” she said.

What? How? Why? They’d literally known each other for two weeks! What about Sarah’s other guy?

I didn’t know what to say. I was just shocked and annoyed.

For the next couple of weeks, I didn’t speak to Sarah. She started texting Chris and they became closer. Chris would text me every night to ask for advice on how to get her to like him, and whenever I would hang out with Sarah and Leila, Sarah would brag about her budding relationship with Chris. It was like I had no escape.

I cried every night for a while. I didn’t know why Sarah was doing this to me, and I couldn’t do anything to solve my problem, because I just wanted her to be happy. But I didn’t want her to be happy if that meant being with the guy I’d had a major crush on for half a year. The worst part was that I was losing my crush and my best friend at the same time.

[More on Parenting Teens here.]

A couple of weeks later, I realized I needed to try to pick myself up and try not to care about my backstabbing friend. I apologized for being cold to her and told her how I was feeling. She didn’t do anything to make me feel better and didn’t apologize to me, but I shook it off and tried to act normal. I knew I needed to get over it.

Chris texted me one day and asked me to go on a double date with him and Sarah. He said he needed help on how to make a move on her and said he needed me to be his “wing woman.” I told him I didn’t have a guy to go with, but he just told me to ask one of our cross-country friends. Anyway, that’s how I ended up in a theater watching a movie with my best friend and crush while they held hands and made me want to go home and cry into my pillow with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s by my side.

It’s been about seven months of me crushing on him now, and my best friend still doesn’t seem to give a crap about my feelings for him, as she and Chris are “a thing” now. What’s worse is that they’ve only known each other for about a month. He still texts me all the time asking for advice on her, but he has no clue of my feelings for him. Sarah talks about him all the time, but she has always known how I felt. It hurts me to think that she cares more about her relationship with a guy I introduced her to a month ago than her best friend, who she’s known for seven years.


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C Paturel is a sophomore at Beckman High School. She plays soccer for Slammers FC and also varsity soccer at Beckman. She’s played for 11 years and is hoping to play in college as well. She lives with her two brothers, mom, dad, and two dogs.

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