Mom Bloggers Would Have Made Me a Better Mother

Lisa writes: “Is that normal?”  was the first, second and probably third question I asked my pediatrician every time I walked into his office.  Normal.  Young moms are looking for normal but, in truth, we don’t know what it looks like.  Enter the internet and Mom bloggers.  My kids were born in the 1990s and my access to online information was limited in their early years.  Had I been able to consult this tribe of supporters, I would have learned that “normal” looks like a lot of different things and that my kids were fine.

I would have loved to have been part of a global group of young mom bloggers sharing information, trying to make sense of the changes in their lives and bringing humor to the process.  I could have used all three, perhaps humor the most.

Mom bloggers would have made me a better mother and here is why:
Mommy Bloggers

Mom bloggers would have told me that the exhaustion I felt with three kids, age four and under, was not only normal, but inevitable.  A quick consult with moms further along the parenting curve would have allowed me to see the light when stuck midway through a couple of dark tunnels.

When I lost the plot with my children, I might have believed that I was not a bad mother or a bad person and that there was even some value to my kids in learning what happens when you push someone too far.

Experienced mom bloggers would have pulled back the curtain and shown me that other mothers were not perfect, they just looked that way from the outside.  Ditto, their kids.

We are all unavoidably products of our upbringing and reading widely (not just from the few bestsellers around at the time) about different parenting experiences would have loosened my enslavement to my own past.

I would have learned that I was not the only mother who sometimes found days with very young children to be dull and repetitive.  And I might have realized that it was not forever. Over the course of my sons’ childhoods I have worked outside our home full-time, at home full-time and at home part-time.  If I had known that life was going to have so many different stages I would not have panicked when I found myself in the wrong one.

I would have learned much earlier that the mess is worth the memories and you can get a new carpet but you can never rewind the tape.

Mom bloggers would have been able to help cover up some of my failings as a parent.  With access to a myriad of mom and kid sites, my children might not have discovered that I am useless at baking or any other creative pursuit.  I could have covered my tracks with brilliant ideas that I stole from clever mommy blogger.

I could have used advice on chicken pox, sibling fights, tween curfews and the best way to tour a college campus. But the good news is that I am pretty sure that someday I will be looking for advice on being the mother of the groom and, hopefully, on becoming a grandmother (starting with Grandma’s Briefs).

Even as my kids and I bid farewell to their childhood, I have found that the community of loving, caring moms and dads, reflecting deeply on how to be better parents, will travel right alongside me on this journey.



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Comments

  1. LOVE this line, “I would have learned much earlier that the mess is worth the memories and you can get a new carpet but you can never rewind the tape.” So true. Nice piece!

    • Thanks, could kick myself for the number of times I said, “Don’t do that, it will make a mess.” My husband instituted “muddy day” with them and literally rolled around in the mud with all three kids. It is some of their fondest memories.

  2. I agree with Lisa Weldon (must be a Lisa thing): The line she points out is a beautiful one!

    Such a wise post, and such a sweet and kind thing of you to give a shout-out to Grandma’s Briefs. Thank you.

    Thing is, if you would have had all those wonderful mommy blogs to glean advice from, you would not be the mom you are. The one you are is awesome, the very best you could have been (and are) for your children. Yes, it would have been easier in ways to know you weren’t alone, that you were doing the right thing, but the challenges, battles, heartbreaks, heartaches and worries made you stronger and smarter in ways that only YOU could be for YOUR children.

    Bloggers of all sorts, sizes, niches, ages are great to turn to for moral support and more. Ultimately though, a mother’s gut is the one to trust, the one to follow. From my view, it’s clear you did exactly that, scary as it may have been at times. The incredible adults (and near adults) who call you Mom are proof of a stupendous job well done.

    Great post, Lisa.
    Lisa @ Grandma’s Briefs recently posted..Halloween fun: Simple spooky spidersMy Profile

    • I am sure it is a Lisa thing… You are very kind thank you. I am just constantly amazed at the wise, wonderful and eloquent women I read and would have loved to have heard their voices.

  3. I totally identify. I envy these younger mothers that have so many resources at their fingertips. There is some discussion that the blogging world may make us feel our lives are not as perfect and beautiful as some we see on line, but I think we are more likely to find inspiration and community. I also love the diversity I find on Mommy Blogs. I’ve learned about so many child rearing theorys that I had never heard of before but it seems that their children do just as well as any others. It’s a brave new world for my daughters and their children.
    Cathy Lane
    bestlovedchild.blogspot.com
    Cathy recently posted..Halloween AspirationsMy Profile

    • Cathy, thank you so much for reading and your thoughts. I see the point that looking at other’s lives can lead us to think of ours as imperfect, but sometimes, when bloggers are honest, it seems to do the opposite and let us know that we are not alone.

  4. And I’m so glad as an empty nest mom now to have other mom’s at this stage of the journey to share the joys of an empty nest and the missing them so bad it aches sometimes, as well as just venturing into grandchildren. I find such resonance and community with other bloggers – they’re a tribe, of sorts. Wonderful sorts. Women, in general, are community minded and geared.

    I, too, love your carpet/rewind sentence…..it’s so true.
    Barb recently posted..Fantastic Finery for FallMy Profile

    • You are so right, it is so wonderful to share this next stage with other moms in our online world who are taking these next parenting step. Thank you, thank you for being here and lending your wisdom.

  5. Anne says:

    Lisa
    This was a great post. My son is now 22 and I am still desperate for information. Nothing ever feels normal to me.

  6. I agree with you – to a point. I would have loved to have been connected with all of the mommies in the blogosphere when I had young kids, but I also know when I was a young mom I would have been overwhelmed by all of the mommies who seem to do it all while balancing a plate on their nose and cooking gourmet meals – in some ways, the ignorance of all that other mothers were doing with and in spite of their children was a blessing for me. I was able to focus on what worked for me and my kids without thinking “oh, I should be doing that and that and that.”

    Having said that, had the internet been what it is now I know I would have been connecting online a lot, and it would have made those days when it felt like it was 3:00 in the afternoon all day long much easier to get through!
    Sharon Greenthal recently posted..The Seal Beach Massacre – One Year LaterMy Profile

  7. Risa says:

    We may not have had mommy bloggers, but we had each other IRL. Years ago, a wise mom in my neighborhood started a mommy group that got together once every two weeks over wine and no-fuss snacks and talked about everything and anything–we were unedited, unfiltered, and imperfect. A hardy band of us are still close–more than twenty- five years later. All the kids are grown now, and several are married. I’m the first grandmother in the group so far. It’s wonderful for young (and even not so young) moms to have so many online resources available, but I wonder sometimes if the flood of information actually dilutes a new mom’s instincts. It’s hard to hear what your gut tells you when there’s so much noise out there.
    Risa recently posted..Good Morning Little School GirlMy Profile

  8. I think it is a dual edged sword. It can be a source of support, but it can also be another way moms compare themselves and their children to others. I see both in the young moms I know (not bloggers themselves, but readers of mommyblogs). Some of them are able to glean ideas and wisdom from others, but some of them use it as a measuring stick to determine if they are doing enough or their children achieving enough. (To me, that is sad, and I think that is fully their personal issue, not that bloggers are responsible for it. The internet just brings it into their home in a different way.)
    Ginger Kay recently posted..Lost in a Good BookMy Profile

  9. Carpool Goddess says:

    I had a nice laugh at “Is this normal?” I used to come into the pediatrician with a list a mile long, and ask that question a million times. Before I became aware of the mommy blogger, I went to WebMD to figure out what’s going on and relied on the other mom’s on the playground. I didn’t read my first mommy blog (I was searching ‘empty-nest’) until two years ago and it opened up a whole new world to me.

  10. If nothing else, I think other mommy bloggers have helped me see that I am not alone. And when I feel like I’m screwing up, I’m a bit less hard on myself. I know I’m human. If I had read blogs when my kids were babies, it would have helped me tremendously. Now I know to read the blogs of moms who’ve already gone through it. Such wisdom. ;)

  11. Grace Hodgin says:

    I agree with you having the access to other moms would have made my motherhood questions solved a lot easier.
    Grace Hodgin recently posted..Alex Toys Super Sleuth Kit G!veAwayMy Profile

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